If I had a nickel for every time a girl dumped me, disappeared for five years, and came back as a guy, I'd have a nickel!
What's this?
A picture of Jill. Look at it, will you?
The woman who dumped you?
She didn't dump me, will you get over that?!
All right, why are we looking at Jill?
Just look at it!
All right, she's cute. Very tall, broad shoulders-- HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!
Welcome to The Matrix.
So-so-so Jill is-is-is--?
Yep.
And-and-and you and-and Jill used to--?
Every chance we got
Now mom is--?
At this very moment.
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!
Well I'd better be going. [Sees a jacket that was thrown on the floor] I'll pick that up on Monday.
Do you realize what this means?
Yes. I slept with a woman who wanted to be a man. Or, I slept with a man in a woman’s body. Or - and this is my new favorite, and the title of my autobiography - my mom and I slept with the same dude.
He certainly knows how to treat a woman.
He used to BE a woman!
And he knows what I like in bed.
He knows what I like in bed!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Two and a Half Men pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.