Two and a Half Men · Season 1, Episode 17
Who gets him [Jake] in that [worst-case] scenario thing?
Cousin Jerry and his wife Fay.
Jerry and Fay? Why Jerry and Fay?
Well, they-- they've a good marriage, three kids, lots of dogs, a big backyard, and they live in a great school district.
Yeah, but I'm your brother!
Charlie, it's--
And I live right here! You wouldn't have to ship him off to... Cornhole, Kansas!
Coventry, Rhode Island.
Who am I thinking of that lives in Kansas?
I don't know, Dorothy and Toto?
Uh, if Mom's ever in a coma, you're the one who has to decide to pull the plug.
Pull.
[Filling out Jake's hospital form] Last name: Harper. First Name: Jake...ob?
Yeah.
Jacob. Middle name...
Don't you know?
Of course I know. I wanna see if you know,you hit your head dude.
David.
I knew that. Jacob David, wow, they really went old testament on you didn't they. Allergies?
What? I dunno.
Do you eat something that makes you sick?
I ate a worm once.
No allergies. Have you ever had the following? Measles?
I dunno.
Mumps?
I dunno.
Chicken pox?
Is that the one with the spots?
Yeah.
I dunno.
Family History? Well your grandmother's always been a pain in the ass.
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