Top Gear · Season 3
[on the V8 engine in the Vauxhall Monaro]
It's far from the most sophisticated engine in the known universe, but because it's so big, you can put it in sixth and pootle around at three, doing plenty of miles to the gallon. Or you can poke it with a stick. Then you will go from nought to sixty in six and a half seconds and reach a top speed of over 160. Usually sideways.
[for a joke, Clarkson claims that the car issues insulting voice messages if the traction control is engaged]
Backs to the wall, everyone, there's a pom on board! He's turned the traction control on! What a poofter.
You hopeless pom.
Shut up.
And you got lucky in the rugby.
Shut up!
It's big and simple and I love it.
Pray silence, please, for Dame Edna Everstig.
Damn! I think I've won.
[in the studio, after the film showing the Hilux falling with the roof of an imploding tower block]
Now, we've seen that it started.
Yeah, it did start.
But did it move?
I can hardly believe this myself - ladies and gentlemen, here it is!
[horribly battered but still moving under its own power, the Hilux enters the studio]
[on the state of the utterly smashed but still running Toyota]
That's not bad. I've taxed worse.
We could carry on trying to destroy it, but do you know what? I think we should build a plinth.
[discussing the Renault Mégane CC and the Peugeot 307 CC]
[voiceover] So just why are these cars so modern-Britain? Well, for one thing, they are achingly fashionable, inside and out, with designer touches everywhere.
Look at that: the brushed aluminium on matte black effect. That's perfection to a bloke, that is. I'd have all my clothes in brushed aluminium on matte black if I could.
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: Richard drives the new McLaren Mercedes; I try Birmingham's latest head banger; and we stage the first ever Top Gear Boffin Burnout.
The Germans always aim high. Stalingrad by Christmas and the world by Easter, and then we'll sort out Rover.
The Porsche Cayenne: the first car ever to be named after an ingredient.
[on the Cayenne]
Nought to 60 takes five seconds. And about 17 gallons of fuel.
Now most modern off-road cars, like for instance the BMW X5, would get stuck on a croquet lawn.
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