[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: Richard drives the new McLaren Mercedes; I try Birmingham's latest head banger; and we stage the first ever Top Gear Boffin Burnout.
“December 14th, 2003” · Season 3, Episode 7
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (13), Richard Hammond (10), James May (4)
The Germans always aim high. Stalingrad by Christmas and the world by Easter, and then we'll sort out Rover.
The Porsche Cayenne: the first car ever to be named after an ingredient.
[on the Cayenne]
Nought to 60 takes five seconds. And about 17 gallons of fuel.
Now most modern off-road cars, like for instance the BMW X5, would get stuck on a croquet lawn.
[voiceover] As an engineering exercise, the Cayenne is astonishing. Only the Germans could've pulled it off. But all their efforts with the power and the speed and the toughness and the agility - they were all a complete and utter waste of time. Because look at it.
[pulls over, gets out]
I think what they tried to do is make the front look like a 911. Which it doesn't. And then from here back it looks like they just haven't bothered! Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It is a monkfish among cars. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis, and frankly I would rather walk back to the studio than drive another yard in it. So I shall. [looks around, points] That way. [walks out of frame]
[on the Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren]
So much grip! It'll crease the road before it lets go, I'm sure.
[on the SLR's engine]
It puts out six hundred and twenty-six brake horsepower, and more torque than in all the rest of the cars in the world added together.
This is the sort of power that planets are built with! Awesome!
[disappointed by the SLR's interior]
There's plastic - [raps on dash] - in here. Come on.
And then they tell you - proudly! - that there's enough room in the boot for two sets of golf clubs. And that worries me, that's just fat-businessman stuff. It's a marriage between McLaren and Mercedes, the SLR. And it's brilliant! I just wish it was a bit more McLaren and a bit less Mercedes.
[on the MG XPower SV]
Inside, it's pretty much as you'd expect: hopeless. I've got no satellite navigation, no electric seats, no airbag, and while there is a third gear - nnnngh! - I don't really have the strength to engage it. Furthermore, this window doesn't go all the way down, as you can see, the antilock brakes are broken, there's nowhere to put my left leg, the dashboard looks like I made it, and half the time the dials come over all Longbridge-ish and go on strike.
This car has one of the world's great engines, a big, gurgling V8 with huge torque and an even huger thirst. Flat-out, at 165 miles an hour, this car is using a kilo of fuel every minute. That's jet fighter consumption, but then it goes like a jet fighter!
Oh, this is terrific! Just imagine how good it would be if you could get third.
[after Jeremy bangs his head on the XPower SV's door frame during a hard maneuver]
I could watch that all day! Who'd like to see it in slow motion?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.