TV show quotes
[in a discussion of Bluetooth "mating" that's gone horribly wrong]
How can you possibly know when your dashboard is having its "period"?
Because the satnav would lose its temper for no reason. "I SAID LEFT, YOU - "
[applause]
I think you'd find after a few years, your dashboard had been faking all its connections. "I was puttin' it on."
With your best mate's mobile phone.
Aw, bad news!
What?
The Dacia Sandero, it's delayed.
Oh no! [quickly] Anyway, last week...
[During the news]
Look, [pauses] I went on the Internet this week and I found this.
[Crowd laughs]
Now, have you ever wondered what all that writing on the side of your tires actually means?
No.
Honestly couldn't care less.
Well, don't wonder no longer!
[on the Audi RS6]
I've got three options for the ride settings: sport, dynamic, or [comfort is shown on-screen] ... "James May".
[To the skiers before the race]
[speaking French] Hit the ham!
[reading a letter of warning on the Mercedes-Benz CLK63 AMG Black]
"The traction control must stay on." Sounds dangerous. [he smiles broadly]
[on driving for fun]
Motorcyclists do it all the time, so why don't human beings?
[on the Mercedes Benz CLK63 AMG Black]
If it had a tongue, it would go around licking windows.
[reviewing the Mercedes-Benz CLK63 AMG Black]
[voiceover] In fact, this car is so fast and so mad it was even delivered with a warning letter from the people who made it.
I've been road-testing cars nearly twenty-five years now and that has never happened before, but I've got it here [holds up letter] and it says, "Ensure the oil is warm before driving enthusiastically." [looks guilty] Well, it will be now. "The car is savage. It's very aggressive and racy in its setup" — this is Mercedes themselves. "On anything other than dry roads it is extremely lively, quite tail happy even under partial throttle. The traction control must stay on." Sounds dangerous. [he smiles broadly]
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight, how much passion can you get for a thousand pounds?; how much soul can you get for a thousand pounds?; and how much pain can you get for a thousand pounds?
[At the beginning of the news]
At first I want to say a couple more things about that Bentley. See, you said there it was like a slab of old England.
Yes.
But Bentley is owned by VW, that car was styled by a Belgian and it was engineered by a man called Ulrich Eichhorn. Doesn't sound very British.
Are you presenting Top Gear or are you writing a letter to the Daily Telegraph?
Well I am just saying that you know immediately that this car is German 'cause it's got too much power. They've overdone it, as usual. Like they did on their French holiday in 1939.
James, James, the Queen is German.
Yes.
You can't sing "Deutschland, Deutschland über alles" every time she comes on the television, do you?
Well, I do actually.
Yes, he does...
[During the news]
You can't buy that because it's a SEAT.
Well...
What's wrong with that?
It's Spanish.
What's wrong with that?
I'm bored with Spain at the moment. Fernando Alonso, he's the most successful driver there... well, he just is. Okay? Then you've got Nadal in Tennis, they've won the UEFA Championships, they've nicked our airports, they've nicked all our fish, they've nicked all our building societies, they eat the heads off prawns, they throw donkeys off tower blocks and they stab cows.
[laughter]
So that's the Spanish?
That is the Spanish. [to the audience] Anybody from Spain here?
Sorry.
[a faint response is heard]
Give me my fish back!
[on the Dacia Sandero]
Great news!
What?
The Da- [Everyone starts to laugh]
They know what it is. [Laughing continues, until James regains composure]
The Dacia Sandero has gone on sale in left-hand-drive market.
Nice. [quickly] Now, just one more thing...
[during the news, regarding the lack of female racing drivers]
The thing is, I know why women don't do it. It's 'cause as soon as a woman puts on a pair of racing overalls, they are immediately treated like a sex object.
Have you been on the Internet again?
Yes I have! [Crowd laughs] And I found this.
Oh God! [Crowd continues laughing]
[later in the same segment, discussing a recent survey on the ten sexiest female racing drivers]
Who do you think came tenth?
[scrolls down to reveal picture of James]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
