[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight, Audi's Dynamic Ride Control tested to the limits in the Alps; variable torque-slip transmissions given a workout on our track; and Merc's hundred and ninety mile an hour Black on the edge in Wales.
“June 29th, 2008” · Season 11, Episode 2
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (17), Richard Hammond (4), James May (3)
Tonight, and for one night only, we've accidentally made a show all about cars.
[on the Subaru Impreza WRX STi]
This car isn't an anorak. It's where people who make anoraks go to buy their anoraks.
[on the Mitsubishi Evo X]
I've had a 14-year-old set up all the computers for me, so let's see what's what.
In the olden days, it was very close between the Evo and the Impreza, it was like Chelsea and Manchester United, but uh... but now, with these new models, it's like Chelsea and... [laughs]] I don't know enough about football. Um... what team plays in red? That isn't as good as Chelsea?
CCameraman
[offscreen] Nottingham Forest.
Nottingham... Nottingham Forest. [attempts to strike knowing pose]
[on the Subaru again]
Let's be honest, it is uglier than a war wound; it's far too soft and wallowy; it sounds like it's running on Mogadon; and the only reason they can sell it for twenty-five thousand pounds is because it has fewer luxuries than, I don't know, an Egyptian's lavatory.
[on the Evo X again]
This is not an Egyptian's khazi.
[on the Stig]
Some say that each of his toenails are exactly the same as a woman's nipples, and that he thinks that "credit-crunch" is some kind of a breakfast cereal. All we know is, he's called The Stig.
Ooh, Stig seems to have got into Elton John - [realizing what he said] - not literally of course!
[in a discussion of Bluetooth "mating" that's gone horribly wrong]
How can you possibly know when your dashboard is having its "period"?
Because the satnav would lose its temper for no reason. "I SAID LEFT, YOU - "
[applause]
I think you'd find after a few years, your dashboard had been faking all its connections. "I was puttin' it on."
With your best mate's mobile phone.
Aw, bad news!
What?
The Dacia Sandero, it's delayed.
Oh no! [quickly] Anyway, last week...
[During the news]
Look, [pauses] I went on the Internet this week and I found this.
[Crowd laughs]
Now, have you ever wondered what all that writing on the side of your tires actually means?
No.
Honestly couldn't care less.
Well, don't wonder no longer!
[on the Audi RS6]
I've got three options for the ride settings: sport, dynamic, or [comfort is shown on-screen] ... "James May".
[To the skiers before the race]
[speaking French] Hit the ham!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.