[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight, how much passion can you get for a thousand pounds?; how much soul can you get for a thousand pounds?; and how much pain can you get for a thousand pounds?
“July 6th, 2008” · Season 11, Episode 3
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (12), Richard Hammond (10), James May (6)
[At the beginning of the news]
At first I want to say a couple more things about that Bentley. See, you said there it was like a slab of old England.
Yes.
But Bentley is owned by VW, that car was styled by a Belgian and it was engineered by a man called Ulrich Eichhorn. Doesn't sound very British.
Are you presenting Top Gear or are you writing a letter to the Daily Telegraph?
Well I am just saying that you know immediately that this car is German 'cause it's got too much power. They've overdone it, as usual. Like they did on their French holiday in 1939.
James, James, the Queen is German.
Yes.
You can't sing "Deutschland, Deutschland über alles" every time she comes on the television, do you?
Well, I do actually.
Yes, he does...
[During the news]
You can't buy that because it's a SEAT.
Well...
What's wrong with that?
It's Spanish.
What's wrong with that?
I'm bored with Spain at the moment. Fernando Alonso, he's the most successful driver there... well, he just is. Okay? Then you've got Nadal in Tennis, they've won the UEFA Championships, they've nicked our airports, they've nicked all our fish, they've nicked all our building societies, they eat the heads off prawns, they throw donkeys off tower blocks and they stab cows.
[laughter]
So that's the Spanish?
That is the Spanish. [to the audience] Anybody from Spain here?
Sorry.
[a faint response is heard]
Give me my fish back!
[on the Dacia Sandero]
Great news!
What?
The Da- [Everyone starts to laugh]
They know what it is. [Laughing continues, until James regains composure]
The Dacia Sandero has gone on sale in left-hand-drive market.
Nice. [quickly] Now, just one more thing...
[during the news, regarding the lack of female racing drivers]
The thing is, I know why women don't do it. It's 'cause as soon as a woman puts on a pair of racing overalls, they are immediately treated like a sex object.
Have you been on the Internet again?
Yes I have! [Crowd laughs] And I found this.
Oh God! [Crowd continues laughing]
[later in the same segment, discussing a recent survey on the ten sexiest female racing drivers]
Who do you think came tenth?
[scrolls down to reveal picture of James]
[On James' 2.0 litre GTV] Why didn't you get the V6?
It's not as good.
What?!
No, it's nose-heavy. The handling is compromised.
Of course, this is front-wheel drive, isn't it?
Yes.
And front-wheel drive is for the feeble.
[speculating on Richard's and James' reaction to Jeremy's upturned Alfa Romeo 75]
Do you think they're a) going to be sympathetic or b) be a couple of-
[shouting] Nice work!
No, they're going to be a couple of.
[Richard has just recovered the seats of his Alfa with Jeremy's jacket]
Recovering the seats, brilliant. I've taken...
Out of what?
Your jacket.
YOU! That is my jacket!
[During their trip to the Concours, while checking on Jeremy's Alfa Romeo 75]
I have been rescued (pertaining to the two women with him) and I haven't even broken down.
Well then you don't-
[James suddenly appears from the side]
Hello.
[Richards Alfa Romeo Spyder can be heard failing to start with him looking over at the engine]
Begin!
[Jeremy can be heard laughing while the spyders engine starts dying]
Now!
[voiceover] So the car that was dead had to be towed by the car that was dying.
Oh listen to that now.
That's a weird noise for a car to make... that's better, what have you done?
Gone into second.
Second's nice, it's underrated as a gear.
[On disguising the fact that Richard's car had broken down]
[voiceover] James agreed to tow Richard, and my car, would hide the rope.
[At Alfa Romeo concours, talking to other contestant about his polished Alfa]
As a man of God, you'd take it badly if I were to, let's say, key it.
[Discussing their concours ratings]
James, what did you get?
Out of a possible 150 points, 74.
74! That's nearly a pass! I got 23.5. Yeah! Which was the lowest score ever recorded in concours history.
Until I came along! [laughs]
What did you get?
I got 9.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.