[to Richard] You're wearing tights. I can't take lectures on physics from a man in tights. Dancing, yes. Physics, no.
S5 E8December 19th, 2004
[after entering Switzerland, which he refers to as being in the "automotive dark ages"]
The trouble with Switzerland is that they have no tolerance for speed or noise or cars, if Steve McQueen in the Great Escape made the jump into Switzerland, he'd be arrested for reckless driving.
[after being overtaken by Jeremy in his Ferrari]
Permission to say 'cock' for the second time this y... I've even abandoned my luggage!
[on driving the Ferrari 612 in the race to Verbier] Then you get to the Alpine pass. Them on their bus: dg dg dg dg dg dg! And you're just like, ahhhnn ahhnn ahhnnnn, trying to catch them up!
[while on the train, updating Jeremy's position] Jeremy, I've just calculated, is about here [points on map, east of Dijon] at the side of the road, talking to a gendarme. But, in a few hours' time, he'll be up here [points to centre of Paris] in a place called Le Bastille. [Richard nearly spit-takes]
S5 E9December 26th, 2004
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: we splash about in a supercharged German army halftrack; the "What Not to Wear" girls show us how not to drive; and I go Bo! Selecta in an Ariel Atom.
[on the Daewoo Tacuma]
The only way you could possibly drive this car is with a box on your head, so no one could tell it's you.
[testing the Ariel Atom]
So stick that in your sport exhaust, Mr. Kawasaki.
[Yelling at the top of his voice over the wind noise] The Atom is fast on an entirely new level! I have never driven anything that accelerates so fast! [voiceover] It's so quick, it can destroy your entire face. [face stretches in the slipstream]. OH MY GOD!
[voiceover] Over the years, I've flown F-15 fighters and done power slides in airboats and strafed the desert from helicopter gunships, but for sheer excitement, this thing [the Atom] is off the scale. Even so, there will still be those who say that no car, no matter how fast it is, can ever be as exciting as a big bike.
[yelling over the Atom's cockpit noise again] Oh, puh-lease! I mean, I don't have to wear a helmet in here, which means my epiglottis is full of bees! And there's so much wildlife in my hair, you could film an episode of Badger Watch in there!
[After opening the door of a Mercedes-Benz G55 AMG] Unless I have been sorely misinformed, supermodels are powerless to resist a man with illuminated doorsills.
It costs £9,400. For that you get... well, it's like a car really, only not quite as good. [Commenting on the Hyundai Accent 1.5 Diesel]
If you've got the brochure on the Hyundai Accent on your coffee table, can I implore you please, not to do it. Buy a Fiesta, buy a second-hand Golf, go on holiday. Don't do it! [Commenting on the Hyundai Accent 1.5L diesel]
The last Proton I drove was something called the Impian. It was a very long journey and the car was so awful that - to be honest - I wanted to harm myself. [Commenting on the Proton Gen II]
[on the Kia Magentis]
I drove a manual one of these the other day and I couldn't believe it, it went 1st, 2nd... SEVENTH, 8th and 9th. Now, I know what they're trying to say, look, you got two gears for quick acceleration and three for good fuel economy. But actually, the acceleration wasn't that good and the fuel economy wasn't that good and you have nothing in the middle. This one has an automatic, which makes it, well... worse. There's a very good reason why its cheap, it's crap.
S6 E1May 22nd, 2005
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: Toyota's new small car, can it play football?; The new Range Rover Sport, can it outrun a 120mm tank shell?; And James Nesbitt, how will he get on in our reasonably priced car?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.