Hey, Hey, Hey! Now the other day I was driving behind a BMW Z4, roof down, bloke driving along and he had a bit of a comb over. Now as he accelerated onto the M40, his speed built up, Whooop! He got lift off. He must've been thinking, I look like Tom Selleck in this car. Kinda like a pedal bin, put his foot down on the pedal, Whooop! Anyhow, that gave me an idea; I wonder if the Z4 is particularly bad for that, what would be the best convertible if you had a bit of a Charlton going on.
So we are looking for volunteers. If you got a bit of a comb over and you would like to know which sports car is best, then please get in touch with us, and I'm being serious, no silly addresses: BBC Top Gear, 201 Wood Lane, London, W12 7TS. Mark your envelope: I've got a bit of a Charlton.
[following the Porsche Cayman power lap; the car has been disparaged by Jeremy for being made merely to fill a gap between the 911 and Boxster rather than to be as good as possible, and because their Producer has bought one as an "investment"]
Interesting that you've made a space actually, because I reckon if you sent Porsche 911 and a Boxster around as well, the 911 would've gone about there [points randomly above the Cayman's time], and the Boxster - I dunno - about there [points about the same distance below the Cayman's time].
Jeremy
Yep, you're exactly right, and I'm just looking at this [points to the Cayman's time], 1:26, that's what it's worth.
[Demonstrating the new Vauxhall Astra VXR remote control car]
Jeremy
OK, it's over there, it's a Vauxhall VXR [car starts to approach them] Here it comes. And if you just watch carefully, you will note that it has now taken off. [car starts to float] It's flying!
There is a man controlling that! I mean, have you ever seen anything like this in your whole life? That is a ton of Vauxhall flying around the studio over people's heads. I will explain how it works, OK? It weighs about 10lbs, which is about the same as my Sunday joint and it has three little propellers that make it steer and move about.
I have an announcement to make. Top Gear, this... pokey motor show on BBC2, this week won--I've got it here--in New York, an Emmy! We've won an Emmy! Check it out!"
Thing is though, when the Office, you remember that sitcom series?... won some Golden... Globes recently, the whole of the BBC ground to a halt while everyone said congratulations and... they were showered with, like, gifts, and gold and diamonds...
Jeremy
It's true, the director general of the BBC spent a whole week rubbing warm pig fat into the back of Ricky Gervais.
[On the speed Camera] We paint them yellow, we put them where you can see them, and we put a big sign to tell you where they are coming. And we even printed a list on the internet. If you still got caught, whose fault is that?
Jeremy
You are the one with 9 points, and I haven't got any...
[Back in the studio after the first part of the Cheap Car Challenge...]
Jeremy
We're going to be picking that up later on, but for now, it's time to update our "ITALIAN MID-ENGINED SUPERCARS FOR LESS THAN A SECOND-HAND MONDEO CHALLENGE"...
[...] Now, next one is the big one, okay - insurance. That's the main problem with cars of this type, okay? We had to go out and get a quote to see how low we could go, and mine was, for the Maserati, 300 pounds.
No, you see, the reason is pretty simple: unlike you, I'm a respectable middle-aged man, unlike you, I don't have any points on my license, and it's kept in an alarmed, locked garage in one of the safest parts of the country.
Yeah, but hang on a minute though, because you are, what, a journalist and a broadcaster, and I happen to know that those are 2 of the highest rated insurance risks on the book.
Jeremy
Yep, you're exactly right, which is why I told them I was a doctor! [referring to his honorary doctorate in engineering]
[dramatic pause for breath] Five thousand pounds! [for which he loses a massive 45 points]
[general laughter and an almost sympathetic bout of one-upmanship by Jeremy recounting a previous quote for £22000 on an Escort Cosworth worth "only" £19000]
[voiceover] Then it was James' turn and because his Lambo was very long and very hard to see out of, we waited for him to go and fetch it, and then...helped him out a little bit.
[Richard sees Jeremy moving one of the cars, so the parking space is significantly shorter]
Top Gear · 1,774 quotes
Jeremy
