Jeremy Clarkson quotes from Top Gear

Jeremy

I wouldn't bother with that particular model though because it'll almost certainly be shi-

Jeremy

[deadpan] Certainly will easily do 70 mph which is what I'm doing now, and that's the maximum speed you can go in Britain, so that's good... is this thorough enough for you, Mr. Needham?

Jeremy

Do you want that one, though? Really? Honestly? A basic model? Because I bet that's also shi-

Jeremy

I'm now breaking the speed limit... INDOORS!

Jeremy

I've got 120 horsepower in this. You don't want any more than that on marble.

Jeremy

The Corvette is stuck in British Home Stores! Turning circle: not good enough.

Jeremy

Prices start at around £8500, but you need £11000 to get a decent, mid-range model, so if you have £11000 to spend on a car, then yes you can. But if you've only got 40p, then... no... y-you can't.

Jeremy

Yes. Very.

Jeremy

Anyway, that aah, that's all we got time for this week. Next week, for reasons we don't understand, we're on at nine o'clock. So we'll see you then. Unless you're watching this on Dave. In February. In the middle of the afternoon. In which case we hope that you get a job soon. Take care, see you soon, bye!

Jeremy

When they made a rally version of this, they had to fit uprated brakes, which they got from an Austin Maxi. How bad do the standard brakes have to be for a Maxi's to be better?!

Jeremy

Tonight. I look at the future of sports cars. James investigates the future of quite literally everything. And Richard Hammond smashes up another caravan.

Jeremy

Right, it's on. I... think. There's no noise at all, but anyway. Put it into drive -- [it] has a one-speed gearbox. They tried it with a two speed but that kept breaking. So one it is. We're in drive and I'm ready.

Jeremy

God almighty! Wave goodbye to dial-up and say hello to the world of broadband motoring! Twelve and a half thousand RPM, I could not believe this! That's biblically quick! This car is electric! Literally!

Jeremy

The volthead has overtaken the petrolhead. And yes, [puts finger next to ear, mimicking a telephone] yes, I've just heard, it is snowing in hell.

Jeremy

I did think that the Teslas would bring a bit of peace and quiet to our track with their electric motors. [I] didn't think it would be this much peace and quiet though. [walking off] That is the sound of silence.

Jeremy

[voiceover] What we have here then is an astonishing technical achievement: the first electric car you might actually want to buy. It's just a shame that in the real world it doesn't seem to work.

Jeremy

[Holds up an item] would anyone like to hazard a guess at what this is?

Jeremy

What?

Jeremy

How can you know what this is? Have you got one?

Jeremy

[stutters] This lady knows the answer! This is... a she-wee.