Jeremy Clarkson quotes from Top Gear

Jeremy

Tonight, Richard spins off the track... twice; Jay Kay tries to get to number one; and Germany or Britain: which is best?

Jeremy

James and Richard think it's all over... and they're right!

Jeremy

I'm hoping that because the Lamborghini's Italian, it'll change sides halfway through the race.

Jeremy

[over radio] Hammond, if you don't get that thing started, [German accent] for uz, zee competition iz over!

Jeremy

If you are a German and you have any complains of the film you just seen do please feel free to write to us. Our address is: 1966 El Alamein Square, 1939-1945 Jutland Street, London W.E.1.

Jeremy

Tonight. The brighter, whiter way to ruin your underpants. How much lorrying can you get for five thousand pounds? And Michael Parkinson has a go in t' reasonably priced car.

Jeremy

AAAAaaAAaaaaAAAAaaaaAAaaAAaaAaAaAaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Jeremy

[voiceover] And that concludes my road test of the GT2. It's terrifying.

Jeremy

Some say that he sleeps inside out, and that he once had full sex with Russell Brand's answering machine. All we know is, he's called The Stig.

Jeremy

In less developed countries such as Australia and America, people like to personalise their vehicles. You must now do the same.

Jeremy

[Looking at his lorry] I'm gonna need a hell of a lot of paint...

Jeremy

Some say his favourite all-time tune is Forever Autumn by Justin Hayward, and that he has the world's largest collection of pornographical material. All we know is, he's not The Stig, but he is The Stig's lorry-driving cousin!

Jeremy

I absolutely hope that James May wakes up in the morning and ten thousand insects are in his underpants!

Jeremy

Eat my Magnum!... Yeah!

Jeremy

Change gear, change gear, mirrors, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, change gear, murder. That's a lot of effort in one day.

Jeremy

On tonight's holiday programme we go to San Francisco in California. We have a night out in Reno, Nevada. And we end up on the salt flats of Bonneville.

Jeremy

[VO] ... And if you drive it with the bonnet up it won't work at all.

Jeremy

I CAN'T SEE WHERE I'M GOING!