Jeremy Clarkson quotes from Top Gear

Jeremy

[voiceover] James agreed to tow Richard, and my car, would hide the rope.

Jeremy

Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York. And that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face. All we know is, he's called The Stig!

Jeremy

Now, are there any mothers here?

Jeremy

Yes? Well, Fiat has decided you need patronising.

Jeremy

I want to adjust the scale on my satnav, but it's all in Japanese. Won't dare touch it in case it all just goes off, and then I'd be DOOMED!

Jeremy

See, the thing is about all Japanese cars --

Jeremy

[panicked] HELP!

Jeremy

I have seen X-Factor winners less cheerful than all petrol pump attendants are in Japan.

Jeremy

[to the petrol pump attendant] Look at this.

Jeremy

Brrrrr! How frightening's that? He can spot your beaver from about a mile away.

Jeremy

Speed camera coming up! [puts the Bill Oddie face-mask on and races past the camera, on the pretence that Oddie will get the speeding ticket and not him]

Jeremy

Tonight, we completely save the countryside; James and I completely ruin London; and there be dragons in our reasonably-priced car.

Jeremy

[voiceover] They [Nissan] haven't built a new car here... They've built a new yardstick.

Jeremy

Some say that he is not allowed, by law, within 100 yards of Lorraine Kelly, and that he's never seen an episode of Top Gear, because he's a huge fan of Midsomer Murders! All we know is, he's called Bergerac!

Jeremy

[voiceover] ...And he's still all over Elton John; let's hope he showers afterwards.

Jeremy

All it is, is a Ford Zephyr with a chrome nose.

Jeremy

Children come out of the womb faster than that!

Clarkson

Hello people, would you like me to murder you? I'm an offroad enthusiast.