[During the opening sequence]
Tonight. The brighter, whiter way to ruin your underpants. How much lorrying can you get for five thousand pounds? And Michael Parkinson has a go in t' reasonably priced car.
“November 2nd, 2008” · Season 12, Episode 1
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (20), James May (11), Richard Hammond (9), The Stig (1)
[At the beginning of Jeremy's GT2 review]
AAAAaaAAaaaaAAAAaaaaAAaaAAaaAaAaAaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
[Stops the GT2 and gets out]
[voiceover] And that concludes my road test of the GT2. It's terrifying.
How could you not like the GT2, you great fat balding useless hopeless bandy-legged bubble-haired pointless talentless gutless cowardly witless lump of suede-shoe-wearing daft-jean-wearing idiocy?
[pause] I knew you were gonna say that...
What, all of it?
[starting the news]
Right, the news. And of course we've been off the air for a while...
[walking on] God, he is such a child.
Yeah, where is he anyway?
I don't know; in the audience somewhere flicking people's ears and blaming the people next...
[from in the crowd] Excuse me... excuse me...
[Jeremy appears wearing a silk shirt]
[Audience applauds but Jeremy feigns ignorance]
You ah, you wearing that for a bet?
Yeah. Aaah, anyway...
[During the news, mocking last series' news joke.]
James, bad news. The Dacia Sandero...
The what?
The Dacia Sandero is not coming to the UK!
Oh. Now...
[on a Citroën camper conversion]
And it only has one bed!
Well, he's not going to have a friend, is he.
[on The Stig]
Some say that he sleeps inside out, and that he once had full sex with Russell Brand's answering machine. All we know is, he's called The Stig.
[commentating on The Stig's Power Lap in the Lamborghini]
He appears to have started to listening to Morse code. Very strange, or maybe it's him making that noise.
[in Morse code] Strictly is crap.
[...]
[in Morse code] I love cheese.
[During the truck challenge, showing their 'knowledge' of their trucks]
So what have you got?
A lorry!
But what kind?
...A big one!
[Also during the truck challenge]
I have bought this!
What is it?
It's an, well it's an... Erf!
[Reading the first challenge]
In less developed countries such as Australia and America, people like to personalise their vehicles. You must now do the same.
[Looking at his lorry] I'm gonna need a hell of a lot of paint...
[Reading the second challenge card] You must now demonstrate your lorry-driving skills by powersliding your trucks around... well, presumably it's that skid pan.
What's the point? You can't powerslide lorries anyway.
Technically, you can't powerslide anything.
[Continuing to read from the card] To prove that it's possible, you will now watch a demonstration by our tame racing driver.
[on The Stig's "Lorry-driving cousin"]
Some say his favourite all-time tune is Forever Autumn by Justin Hayward, and that he has the world's largest collection of pornographical material. All we know is, he's not The Stig, but he is The Stig's lorry-driving cousin!
[After injuring himself falling off of the seat of his lorry during the Powerslide challenge]
[to the paramedic] Yeah, the gear lever's gone up my arse.
PParamedic
Right, okay.
[voiceover] After the gear lever had been removed from Jeremy's bottom...
[During the lorry race]
Does understeer, this lorry.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.