A character in Top Gear
Played by Jeremy Clarkson
Top Gear · 1,774 quotes
Most-quoted character in Top Gear: in 1,331 of its 1,774 quotes
Most scenes with: Richard Hammond (406), James May (323), Stephen Ladyman (5)
JeremyI'm gonna try something the Americans call pitting. If I put my car along his rear wheel and push his back end out, he counter-steers, I then brake... and of course, it shoots the other way.
[The Stig pulls smoothly away from Jeremy]
Jeremy[voiceover] Unfortunately, none of what I just said happened.
[During the opening sequence.]
JeremyTonight, Audi's Dynamic Ride Control tested to the limits in the Alps; variable torque-slip transmissions given a workout on our track; and Merc's hundred and ninety mile an hour Black on the edge in Wales.
JeremyTonight, and for one night only, we've accidentally made a show all about cars.
[on the Subaru Impreza WRX STi]
JeremyThis car isn't an anorak. It's where people who make anoraks go to buy their anoraks.
[on the Mitsubishi Evo X]
JeremyI've had a 14-year-old set up all the computers for me, so let's see what's what.
[on the Subaru again]
JeremyLet's be honest, it is uglier than a war wound; it's far too soft and wallowy; it sounds like it's running on Mogadon; and the only reason they can sell it for twenty-five thousand pounds is because it has fewer luxuries than, I don't know, an Egyptian's lavatory.
[on the Evo X again]
JeremyThis is not an Egyptian's khazi.
[on the Stig]
JeremySome say that each of his toenails are exactly the same as a woman's nipples, and that he thinks that "credit-crunch" is some kind of a breakfast cereal. All we know is, he's called The Stig.
JeremyOoh, Stig seems to have got into Elton John - [realizing what he said] - not literally of course!
[During the news]
JeremyLook, [pauses] I went on the Internet this week and I found this.
[Crowd laughs]
[reading a letter of warning on the Mercedes-Benz CLK63 AMG Black]
Jeremy"The traction control must stay on." Sounds dangerous. [he smiles broadly]
[on driving for fun]
JeremyMotorcyclists do it all the time, so why don't human beings?
[on the Mercedes Benz CLK63 AMG Black]
JeremyIf it had a tongue, it would go around licking windows.
[reviewing the Mercedes-Benz CLK63 AMG Black]
Jeremy[voiceover] In fact, this car is so fast and so mad it was even delivered with a warning letter from the people who made it.
JeremyI've been road-testing cars nearly twenty-five years now and that has never happened before, but I've got it here [holds up letter] and it says, "Ensure the oil is warm before driving enthusiastically." [looks guilty] Well, it will be now. "The car is savage. It's very aggressive and racy in its setup" — this is Mercedes themselves. "On anything other than dry roads it is extremely lively, quite tail happy even under partial throttle. The traction control must stay on." Sounds dangerous. [he smiles broadly]
[During the opening sequence.]
JeremyTonight, how much passion can you get for a thousand pounds?; how much soul can you get for a thousand pounds?; and how much pain can you get for a thousand pounds?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
