Jeremy Clarkson quotes from Top Gear

Jeremy

Driving most supercars is like trying to man-handle a cow up a back staircase. But this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightley.

Jeremy

Some say that he's banned from the town of Chichester, and that in a recent late-night deal, he bought a slightly dented white Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh. All we know is, he's called the Stig.

Jeremy

Why are you on this programme!?

Jeremy

It is like the West Indian dope smoking team practising in the car.

Jeremy

[To James] Oi! Prescott! I'll have a bacon sandwich!

Jeremy

Beardy, you're going down!

Jeremy

Tonight: James drives a Rolls-Royce. Richard drives a Bugatti Veyron. And I drive something that isn't either of those things.[Shows video of Jeremy driving a Peel P50 round the BBC Office]

Jeremy

Some say that he gets terrible eczema on his helmet, and that if he'd been the video ref in the World Cup rugby final, he would've seen that of course it was a try, you blind Australian half-wit! All we know is, he's called the Stig.

Jeremy

Built on the Isle of Man in the early 60's, the P50 was said to be almost cheaper than walking. It cost 150 pounds and did 100 miles to the gallon. It sounds perfect, then, for the roads of today.

Jeremy

There's something I just realised. I have to pay congestion charge in this part of London. But the camera crew in the Lexus 4x4 don't because it's a hybrid. How fair is that?! I mean, it's not like I'm creating any pollution at all! [accelerates, leaving a trail of smoke behind him]

Jeremy

[watching Fiona Bruce walk away from the P50] She has got quite a nice bottom. ... I said that out loud, didn't I.

Jeremy

Some say he's seen The Lion King 1780 times, and that his second best friend is a cape buffalo... all we know is, he's not the Stig, but he is the Stig's African cousin.

Jeremy

Tonight: The Stig tests a tube train; Richard tests a pair of shorts; and I try my hand at running!

Jeremy

Some say that to unlock him, you have to run your finger down his face, like this (runs his finger down the face of an audience member standing nearby), and that if he was getting divorced from Paul McCartney, he'd keep his stupid whining mouth shut! All we know is, he's called The Stig.

Jeremy

Tonight, James races a man in wellies, Richard crashes some motorhomes, and I close down Manchester Airport.