Jeremy Clarkson quotes from Top Gear

Jeremy

Tonight: We try to grow our own petrol; I drive the new Lamborghini, quite badly; And cool-wall muse Kristin Scott Thomas is in our Reasonably-Priced Car!

Jeremy

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and that his crash helmet is modelled on Britney Spears' head... all we know is, he's called the Stig.

Jeremy

...and it has air conditioning, unlike the ones in Lambos of old, isn't like being coughed on. By a mouse. [imitates mouse coughing]

Jeremy

[chasing May with a pitchfork] May! You're gonna die! I'm gonna feed you into your own machine!

Jeremy

[on Lamborghini Murciélago's options price list after mentioning the 'flappy paddle' gearbox was £6,000] You need a flappy paddle head to spend that

Jeremy

Again, good effort. But, to my mind, still lacking... ambition!

Jeremy

Tonight: We cut some cars in half with saws; Richard smokes a horse; and who's in our Reasonably Priced Car? Oh, it's his assistant!

Jeremy

[on the 1.0L Fiat Panda he has chosen to turn into a limousine] Interestingly is the fact that this car doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald And if Gerald runs round in his wheel very very quickly he'll get me from 0-60 in 18 seconds.

Jeremy

My biggest problem with it is that I can't see the point of saying "I've got a supercar and the great thing is it looks like a Golf." That's like saying "I'm married to a supermodel and the great thing is she looks like a traffic warden."

Jeremy

Some say that his scrotum has its own small gravity field, and that because our producer rigged a phone vote, he now has a new name. All we know is, he's called Cuddles.

Jeremy

No CD today, because predictably, the CD player doesn't work.

Jeremy

So! Top Gear top tip: Ah, if you want a slow car that looks like a Golf... get a Golf.

Jeremy

[haltingly consulting the instruction manual of his Lamborghini Gallardo Superleggera, which is in Italian] Consola centrale con... interatore aperture sportello... rifornimento. [translating] "We are useless Italians and we haven't built this properly."

Jeremy

The hills are alive to the sounds of horsepower!

Jeremy

Tonight: James May faces trial by water. Richard Hammond faces trial by fire. And I drive a Ferrari to the moon!