[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: The Stig tests a tube train; Richard tests a pair of shorts; and I try my hand at running!
“November 11th, 2007” · Season 10, Episode 5
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (8), Richard Hammond (5), James May (2), Simon (1)
[on the Aston Martin V8 Vantage]
I would rather be in this, than in Keira Knightley.
I wouldn't. (Shaking his head while the crowd laughs). I wouldn't.
[...]
And now the news: and this just in from Keira Knightley: She says she's disappointed but she understands.
[on The Mitsubishi i]
Now, Mitsubishi, you know Mitsubishi, makers of the Evo and all that, they've now introduced a new turbocharged, mid-engine car. Yeah, you want to see it?
Yeah.
Here it is... (Shows the picture of an i car). It's called the i car. No, no, hang on, because it.. it might be ugly, but at least it's.. slow.
[...]
It's also got hypo-allergenic seats...
What that give you eczema?
No...
... Chlamydia?
[on The Mitsubishi i's deodorizing roof lining]
If you, um, break wind, in the car. The smells are absorbed into the roof lining.
It's deodorizing, that's what it does. So, basically, the seats absorb your eczema, and the roof lining absorbs your fart. Which is very clever, but you wouldn't want to buy one second hand now would you?
[on The Stig]
Some say that to unlock him, you have to run your finger down his face, like this (runs his finger down the face of an audience member standing nearby), and that if he was getting divorced from Paul McCartney, he'd keep his stupid whining mouth shut! All we know is, he's called The Stig.
[after revealing Simon Cowell has beaten Gordon Ramsay for first place on the Celebrity Lap Time Board.]
And Gordon Ramsay has just committed suicide.
Well, to be fair to Gordon Ramsay, he's fat.
This has to be the most stress-free and relaxing Monday-morning rush-hour commute since the dawn of civilisation.
[cut to Richard]
OH NOT ANOTHER SET OF SODDING LIGHTS! OH BLOODY HELL! (To pedestrians) Have a nice walk! Enjoy yourself!
[on the car's loss in the race]
Can I clear something up? I don't get this. Watching the film, you get the impression that the car arrive fifteen minutes after everybody else. Now if I remember correctly when I got there, James, you were already there and had been for ages.
He was, and you know something else? I distinctly remember my boat blew up and I was killed!
Yes, and I'm pretty sure I remember going straight past Hammond with his head stuck in some railings.
That happened!
And you know what? London doesn't have a river, so I couldn't have done it by boat! And there you go, what Top Gear - which is a trusted, factual, award winning show - has proved is, despite what you saw in that stupid and misleading film the car was the fastest!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.