JeremyThat's the inside of the Mazda... that's not Bauhaus. That's my trousers.
Played by Jeremy Clarkson
Top Gear · 1,774 quotes
Most-quoted character in Top Gear: in 1,331 of its 1,774 quotes
Most scenes with: Richard Hammond (406), James May (323), Stephen Ladyman (5)
Lines by Jeremy Clarkson 735
Jeremy[on the Big Stig]
JeremySome say that he's a CIA experiment that went wrong, and that he only eats cheese... all we know is, he's not the Stig, but he is the Stig's American cousin!
JeremyHe's wearing cowboy boots... he's gonna be shot!
[regarding James being late]
JeremyHe will have walked into a dealership - [imitating James' voice] "Hello!" - and they'll have shot him!
[Richard laughs]
Jeremy[on Richard's pick-up truck] You saw Brokeback Mountain and thought "I want a piece of that life." Not that piece, I'll have the pick-up truck.
[Jeremy and the others are passing into Alabama and notice bullet-holes in the sign]
JeremyThey shot their own sign. What are they gonna do to us?
[escaping the redneck gas station]
JeremyI've just remembered, I've actually got loads of petrol. [drives off]
Jeremy[while carrying a tortoise off the road] Urgh! Don't do that, tortoise! [Drops tortoise]
JeremyA bit of cheese with that would be delicious.
JeremyIf you're thinking of coming to America, this is what it's like: you've got your Comfort Inn; you got your Best Western; you got your Red Lobster where you eat. Everybody's very fat, everybody's very stupid and everybody's very rude. It's not the holiday programme--it's the truth.
[on the devastation in New Orleans]
JeremyHow can the rest of America sleep at night knowing that this is here?
[Closing remarks]
JeremySo, this week we have two Top Gear Top Tips for you. Firstly, yes, you can buy instead of rent, and secondly, don't go to America!
[Reading some of the questions from the safe driving course]
Jeremy"You have a blowout on the motorway..." - one for you here, Hammond! (referring to 9.1 where Hammond crashed)
[on the Stig]
JeremySome say that if you lick his chest, it tastes exactly the same as piccalilli, and that at this week's Brit awards, he was arrested for goosing Russell Brand... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
[on the Brabus-tuned SL65]
JeremyHere we are, if you want it, with proof, that absolute power really does corrupt... absolutely.
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