Jeremy Clarkson quotes from Top Gear

Jeremy

Richard really did have a size problem, and his van was pretty small as well.

Jeremy

[upon seeing the size of the van James had bought] James, are you filming with us today or are you moving house?

Jeremy

Who's got the fastest van?

Jeremy

I'm no match for Hamster; look at his postage stamp go!

Jeremy

[upon being unable to break into Richard's Suzuki Super Carry] Why don't you just pick the van up and put it in your pocket?

Jeremy

Tonight: Jaguar's supercharged XKR vs. its twin sister; why do road-works take so long? And Jamie Oliver prepares a delicious lap in our Reasonably-Priced Car!

Jeremy

Now there is actually a problem, really, because, obviously, one of us blokes has now become Princess Diana!

Jeremy

...and here's something I never thought I'd be saying at one point, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome... Richard Hammond!

Jeremy

Some say he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp, and long before anyone else, he realized that Jade Goody was a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs... [the audience applauds wildly and Jeremy pauses for a short moment]... [laughing] all we know is, he's called the Stig.

Jeremy

In the immortal words of Basil Fawlty, "Oh spiffing!"

Jeremy

The Pantheon, the Pyramids, the Great Wall of China. Each a shining beacon of mans ambition and today the D5481 will join that list. We shall build this road in a day, our resurfacing work will last for a thousand years!

Jeremy

...while it doesn't have a shed load of power, it is still quite fast. You passed sixty miles an hour in 4.9 seconds. You passed a hundred in thirteen seconds, and that's good... but imagine how good it would be if it had more power!

Jeremy

Tonight: Hugh Grant stars in our Reasonably-Priced Car; and is the new Audi TT any good? We find out... by playing golf.

Jeremy

Some say that he once had a vicious knife fight with Anthea Turner, and that he is in no way implicated in the cash for honours scandal... all we know is, he's called Lord Stig!

Jeremy

Do you know what? We've made amphibious cars, we made a convertible people carrier, I've raced you to Oslo... this is the hardest thing I have ever faced.