Jeremy Clarkson quotes from Top Gear

Jeremy

So here we are on the start line: Goliath and David... Beckham.

Jeremy

Tonight: Old Jaguars, should you buy one?; Old BMWs, are they as well made as we think?; And old Mitsubishis, should you drive a car built by an aeroplane maker?

Jeremy

Some say he's wanted by the CIA, and that he sleeps upside down like a bat... all we know is, he's called the Stig.

Jeremy

You know, well, speed isn't everything... I can't believe I've just said that!

Jeremy

It's not the winning. It's not the taking part. It's just bashing Hammond!

Jeremy

Tonight: Two British sports cars with forged papers; Dr. Who is the star in our reasonably priced car; And I splash out on a seventies Roller.

Jeremy

You see the body and you think it's going to be as advanced as mud - but honestly, it corners like a cylon interceptor.

Jeremy

Some say that he appears on high value stamps in Sweden, and that he can catch fish with his tongue... we know him only, as the Stig.

Jeremy

[On the Porsche Cayman] Porsche, the laziest design studio in the world!

Jeremy

[On the smart fire car] You know that, erm, World's Wildest Police Chase thing that's on Channel 5 late at night (exaggerated American accent) "There's police chases from around the world!" And it's always a big V8 chasing a Corvette in Australia and America, then they go (American accent again) "We got a chase from the United Kingdom of England Land." And it's, "Oh no it's gonna be so embarrassing!" Sure enough it's a Vauxhall Astra with a big DIESEL sign over it. (Yorkshire policeman accent) "Ohh we're chasing this err BMX bike up the err A34." Oh this is going round the world, they're gonna laugh at us!

Jeremy

Tonight: I test the Cadillac CTS-V; Hammond tests the new BMW 3-Series; and we get three old ladies to test some small cars, because we couldn't be bothered.

Jeremy

Some say he is illegal in 17 U.S. states, and he blinks this way [motioning his fingers in a horizontal fashion]... all we know is, he's called the Stig.

Jeremy

If you shut this car down, I'm going to come down there and eat your heart!

Jeremy

If you don't mend it, I'm going to bone your dog!

Jeremy

But unfortunately, its driver had become bored with waiting. [Clarkson walks up to the Audi S4 with the Stig asleep at the wheel and knocks on the windscreen] Stiggy! Wakey wakey! Listen. We're gonna do a race. Okay? You're going to drive the Audi, and see if you can get past the Cadillac. Okay?

Jeremy

[looking back at the camera] You think that's gone in?

Jeremy

Looks good but no, it'll fall to pieces. Made by people who eat onions!