Jeremy Clarkson quotes from Top Gear

Jeremy

The trouble with Switzerland is that they have no tolerance for speed or noise or cars, if Steve McQueen in the Great Escape made the jump into Switzerland, he'd be arrested for reckless driving.

Jeremy

[on driving the Ferrari 612 in the race to Verbier] Then you get to the Alpine pass. Them on their bus: dg dg dg dg dg dg! And you're just like, ahhhnn ahhnn ahhnnnn, trying to catch them up!

Jeremy

Tonight: we splash about in a supercharged German army halftrack; the "What Not to Wear" girls show us how not to drive; and I go Bo! Selecta in an Ariel Atom.

Jeremy

The only way you could possibly drive this car is with a box on your head, so no one could tell it's you.

Jeremy

So stick that in your sport exhaust, Mr. Kawasaki.

Jeremy

[Yelling at the top of his voice over the wind noise] The Atom is fast on an entirely new level! I have never driven anything that accelerates so fast! [voiceover] It's so quick, it can destroy your entire face. [face stretches in the slipstream]. OH MY GOD!

Jeremy

[voiceover] Over the years, I've flown F-15 fighters and done power slides in airboats and strafed the desert from helicopter gunships, but for sheer excitement, this thing [the Atom] is off the scale. Even so, there will still be those who say that no car, no matter how fast it is, can ever be as exciting as a big bike.

Jeremy

[yelling over the Atom's cockpit noise again] Oh, puh-lease! I mean, I don't have to wear a helmet in here, which means my epiglottis is full of bees! And there's so much wildlife in my hair, you could film an episode of Badger Watch in there!

Jeremy

Tonight: Toyota's new small car, can it play football?; The new Range Rover Sport, can it outrun a 120mm tank shell?; And James Nesbitt, how will he get on in our reasonably priced car?

Jeremy

Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves. All we know is, he's called the Stig.

Jeremy

Listen to that noise! It's like Barry White eating wasps.

Jeremy

Look - it's telling me the brakes have overheated and I should "Drive Carefully". [reluctantly] All right, I'll back it off to 140, but that's it. I'm having too much fun.

Jeremy

Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

Jeremy

The back seats aren't terribly comfortable, but they'll do for a short trip to the golf club. And you would be going to the golf club actually, because the satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations and golf courses. Everything the modern Mercedes-driver needs...

Jeremy

Our transport department is now being run by Darling and Ladyman. [...] Welcome aboard Mr Ladyman. Pop down anytime you like and bring Mr Darling with you.

Jeremy

You can't have this car with a diesel engine. It'd be like saying, "Well, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman...!" Yeah, but... [he grimaces]