Christmas is a time of joy, love, and peace -- and a giant spike in the suicide rate. (with increasing aggressiveness): My father got all the Christmas joy sucked out of him by his cruel, vindictive mother because his drunken, partying father sucked all the Christmas joy out of HER! (the Christmas lights come on. Christopher stares at them, then stares back at the audience and sheepishly sings): Fa-la-la-la-la/La-la-la-la.
“House Boat” · Season 3, Episode 6
In this episode: Titus (2), Ken Titus (1), Christopher Titus (1)
(Ken Titus's 10th Christmas)
1Y10-Year-Old Ken Titus
A toy puppy! Thanks, Mom.
TGrandma Titus
Aw, damn it. I forgot to put holes in the box. Well, play with it today, 'cuz tomorrow, it'll be hard.
Hey, buddy! Santa came last night!
FYFive-Year-Old Christopher
What did he bring me?
Nothing. Your new mommy's a Jew. Blame her.
"To: Titus, From Dad". My dad's a new man. He learned that forgiveness is better than hate and vengeance. Next year, we'll teach him that heart attacks are not like women: you just can't keep having them.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Titus pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.