Mike, pick yourself out a daughter. My oldest is married, but I can have it annulled. The Pope said he'd do it, I swear to God.
That's very friendly of you, sir. Thank you.
S4The Red Mass
It's not even the number of debates, as much as the format. Two-minute response followed by a one-minute reply. That's not a debate. That's not a debate! It's a joint press conference.
What is really the difference between one debate and two debates?
"What's the diff–"! It's a whole other debate! It's a second debate! It's 100% more debate!
Can you make a run to the staff secretary's office? Ella's not there, but someone should be. Make sure you just take what needs to be signed today. They're gonna try to give you a whole stack, and right there's where you become a man.
EEmily
Should I use sex as a tactic?
If you need to. Hell, even if you just want to.
When we mention that we want five debates, say what they are. One on the economy, one on foreign policy, with another on global threats and national security, one on the environment, and one on strengthening family life, which would include health care, education, and retirement. I also think there should be one on parts of speech and sentence structure, and one on fractions.
Is there any chance I'm going to get an opportunity to speak in this conversation, or are you just writing out loud?
I didn't even know you were in the room.
Toby, I'm absolutely terrified we're going to lose the expectations game. I can't believe how many times I get asked what would be a win in the debates. At this point I feel like if - and only if - Ritchie accidentally lights his podium on fire does the President have a fighting chance.
I disagree.
Disagree all you want, but I'm right.
These two men are going to be side by side on the stage, answering questions. That's the ball game.
If the whole thing is, he can't tie his shoelaces and it turns out he can, then that is the ball game.
And I believe he'll have to do more than tie his shoelaces.
Not much more.
S4Debate Camp
[to Leo] Honey, if we're going to have this fight, can we not do it in front of the Joint Chiefs? It just scares the hell out of them.
A couple of things. I need you to look at a couple of answers on defense readiness. I need concrete examples of waste in Pentagon procurement. We need two more members of the IRC for post spin. I need you to fill out this marriage license and paperwork for a joint checking account and review this 60-second answer on Rwanda.
AAndy
Okay, okay, okay and um, under no circumstances, and sure.
See, by my count, you said under no circumstances to the IRC post spin and sure...
AAndy
I said under no circumstances to marrying you again.
May I ask why?
AAndy
I have the unique experience of having done it once before.
What's going on with you and Andy?
Nothing.
I think you're wrong.
I'm not.
I think you're getting back together.
We're not.
But you want to.
Yes.
I think... Wait. What?
See, sometimes if I slam on the brakes, you run right past.
Okay, fill us in on everything you've got so far between the two of you.
Yeah, that's what's going to happen right now.
We're choosing pictures from the collection at the National Gallery.
They'll loan stuff?
Anything you want in the National Gallery or the whole Smithsonian.
Really?
Yeah.
I want Apollo 11.
Well, you can't have that.
Then don't bother me.
Josh and Sam talked to me. I'm on board.
With what?
Team Toby.
See, I lent voice to thought and that was my mistake.
If you want to marry Andy, then, damn it, so do I...
Okay.
...want that, you know, to happen to you.
I get it.
Do you? Because this is about love.
I think you have a different motivation.
Laughs?
Yes.
Sure, but also as much love, really, as I think either one of us are comfortable with.
S4Game On
Ten words: "I will make America's defenses the strongest in the history of the world."
"In the history of the world?" When we say that, are we comparing ourselves to the Visigoths, adjusted for inflation?
My view of this is simple: we don't need a Federal Department of Education telling us our children have to learn Esperanto, they have to learn Eskimo poetry. Let the states decide, let the communities decide on health care, on education, on lower taxes, not higher taxes. Now, he's going to throw a big word at you - "unfunded mandate." He's going to say if Washington lets the states do it, it's an unfunded mandate. But what he doesn't like is the federal government losing power. But I call it the ingenuity of the American people.
President Bartlet, you have 60 seconds for a question and an answer.
Well, first of all, let's clear up a couple of things. "Unfunded mandate" is two words, not one big word. There are times when we're fifty states and there are times when we're one country, and have national needs. And the way I know this is that Florida didn't fight Germany in World War II or establish civil rights. You think states should do the governing wall-to-wall. That's a perfectly valid opinion. But your state of Florida got $12.6 billion in federal money last year - from Nebraskans, and Virginians, and New Yorkers, and Alaskans, with their Eskimo poetry. 12.6 out of a state budget of $50 billion. Now, I'm supposed to be using this time for a question, so here it is: Can we have it back, please?
Game on!
Governor Ritchie, many economists have stated that the tax cut, which is the centerpiece of your economic agenda, could actually harm the economy. Is now really the time to cut taxes?
You bet it is. We need to cut taxes for one reason - the American people know how to spend their money better than the federal government does.
Mr. President, your rebuttal.
There it is. That's the ten word answer my staff's been looking for for two weeks. There it is. Ten-word answers can kill you in political campaigns. They're the tip of the sword. Here's my question: What are the next ten words of your answer? Your taxes are too high? So are mine. Give me the next ten words. How are we going to do it? Give me ten after that, I'll drop out of the race right now. Every once in a while... every once in a while, there's a day with an absolute right and an absolute wrong, but those days almost always include body counts. Other than that, there aren't very many unnuanced moments in leading a country that's way too big for ten words. I'm the President of the United States, not the President of the people who agree with me. And by the way, if the left has a problem with that, they should vote for somebody else.
Now, I want people to work together in this great country, and that's what I did in Florida--I brought people together--and that's what I'll do as your President. End the logjam, end the gridlock, and bring Republicans together with Democrats, 'cause Americans are tired of partisan politics.
Actually, what you've done in Florida is bring the right together with the far right. And I don't think Americans are tired of partisan politics; I think they're tired of hearing career politicians diss partisan politics to get a gig. I've tried it before. They ain't buying it. That's okay, though...that's okay, though, 'cause partisan politics is good. Partisan politics is what the Founders had in mind. It guarantees that the minority opinion is heard, and as a lifelong possessor of minority opinions, I appreciate it. But if you're troubled by it, Governor, you should know, in this campaign, you've used the word 'liberal' 74 times. In one day. It was yesterday.
I'm not sure I can watch anymore...no, wait, I can. I can.
Sixty percent is 6 of 10 in a focus group. You change one mind, it's a dead heat. You change two, it's a landslide. This campaign's a mechanism of persuasion. We're not asking for a show of hands.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The West Wing pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.