Andy quotes from The West Wing

Toby

Our goal is to proclaim American values.

This speech isn't supposed to be about ideology. It's supposed to be about reality.

Toby

I think the President will decide what the speech is supposed to be about, but the reality is, the United States of America no longer sucks up to reactionaries, and our staunch allies will know what we mean.

We don't have any staunch allies in the Arab world; just reluctant ones. We've a coalition held together with duct tape! A coalition without which we cannot fight!

Toby

Nobody's blowing off the coalition, and that coalition will be plenty strong.

Oh, when we win?

Toby

That's right.

What's Egypt going to think? Or Pakistan?

Toby

That freedom and democracy are coming soon to a theatre near them, so get dressed.

Toby... you guys are on a thing right now. And I'm behind you. You know I'm behind you; a lot of House Democrats are...

Toby

Not enough.

And plenty of Republicans. But this one moment in time, you have to get off your horse and just... simply put - be nice to the Arab world.

Toby

Be nice?

Yes.

Toby

Well... How about when we, instead of blowing Iraq back to the seventh century for harboring terrorists and trying to develop nuclear weapons, we just imposed economic sanctions and were reviled by the Arab world for not giving them a global charge card and a free trade treaty? How about when we pushed Israel to give up land for peace? How about when we sent American soldiers to protect Saudi Arabia, and the Arab world told us we were desecrating their holy land? We'll ignore the fact that we were invited. How about two weeks ago, in the State of the Union when the President praised the Islamic people as faithful and hardworking only to be denounced in the Arab press as knowing nothing about Islam? But none of that is the point.

What's the point?

Toby

I don't remember having to explain to Italians that our problem wasn't with them, but with Mussolini! Why does the U.S. have to take every Arab country out for an ice cream cone? They'll like us when we win! [long pause] Thousands of madrasas teaching children nothing, nothing, nothing but the Koran and to hate America. Who do we see about that? Do I want to preach America? Judeo-Christianity? No. If their religion forbids them from playing the trumpet, so be it. But I want those kids to... look at a globe. Be exposed to social sciences, history. Some literature. [pause] They'll like us when we win.

Toby

A couple of things. I need you to look at a couple of answers on defense readiness. I need concrete examples of waste in Pentagon procurement. We need two more members of the IRC for post spin. I need you to fill out this marriage license and paperwork for a joint checking account and review this 60-second answer on Rwanda.

Okay, okay, okay and um, under no circumstances, and sure.

Toby

See, by my count, you said under no circumstances to the IRC post spin and sure...

I said under no circumstances to marrying you again.

Toby

May I ask why?

I have the unique experience of having done it once before.

Toby

Listen to me. We've got all kinds of atmospheric cabin pressure up here. We're a little late, so the Colonel's put the hammer down in a 747. You've got wind shear, downdraft, massive turbulence, not to mention four giant engines burning jet fuel at galactic temperatures. We're standing in a flying death tube! [people look up] No, not the rest of y-y-you, it's just my family. It's fine. Look...

What do you want me to do, step off?

Toby

Also, you've got twins in there; you're basically a minivan. How are you fitting into a seat?

Uh-uh... I saw him first, girls.