[flashback]
Why are you doing this? You're a player. You're bigger in the party than I am. Hoynes would probably make you National Chairman. Leo, tell me this isn't one of the twelve steps.
LeoThat's what it is. Right after admitting that we are powerless over alcohol and a higher power can restore us to sanity. That's where you come in.
Leo
Because I'm tired of it! Year, after year, after year of having to choose between the lesser of who cares? Of trying to get myself excited over a candidate who can speak in complete sentences. Of setting the bar so low, I can hardly look at it. They say a good man can't get elected president. I don't believe that, do you?
And you think I'm that man?
Leo
Yes.
Doesn't it matter that I'm not as sure?
Leo
Nah. 'Act as if ye have faith and faith shall be given to you.' Put another way: 'Fake it until you make it.'
Can I - can I just say something for the future?
Leo
Yeah.
I can sign the President's name. I have his signature down pretty good.
Leo
You can sign the President's name?
Leo
On a document removing him from power and handing it to someone else?
Yeah. Or... do you think the White House Counsel would say that was a bad idea?
Leo
I think the White House Counsel would say it was a coup d'etat!
Well...I'd probably end up doing some time for that.
Leo
I would think! And what the hell were you doing practicing the President's signature?
Leo
We've got separation of powers, checks and balances, and Margaret vetoing things and sending them back to the Hill!
Charlie Okay. Zoey and I are going out. I'll be on my pager.
Leo
You're going out?
Leo
Charlie, you're taking extra protection, right?
Leo
Secret Service protection, Charlie. But thanks for loading me up with that image.
Leo
So, I have to tell you, I've never seen Sam Seaborn get beat the way you beat him on Monday.
Yes, well, Mr. McGarry...
Leo
Leo.
Yes, sir. I've been thinking about that ever since your office called me on Tuesday, and I have something to say on my own behalf, if you'll permit me a moment to say it, and I understand if you won't, but I would really appreciate it if you did.
Leo
I... didn't really follow that, but whatever.
I think that it is wrong for a man in your position to summon someone to the White House to reprimand them for voicing opposition. I think that that is wrong, and it is inappropriate. It's inappropriate, and I'll tell you what else.
Leo
It's wrong?
Leo
That's fine, except you weren't summoned here to be reprimanded.
Well, then, if you'll permit me, why was I summoned?
Leo
You have an interesting conversational style, do you know that?
It's a nervous condition.
Leo
I used to have a nervous condition.
How did yours manifest itself?
Leo
I drank a lot of scotch.
I get sick when I drink too much.
Leo
I get drunk when I drink too much.
Leo
Leo.
I'll ask again: for what purpose was I brought here today?
Leo
So I could offer you a job.
I'm asking because I do not think that it is fair that I be expected to play the role of the mouse to the White House's cat in the game of... you know the game?
Leo
Cat and mouse?
Yes. And it's not like I'm not, you know. The fact that I may not look like some of the other Republicans who have crossed your path does not mean that I'm any less inclined toward...
Leo
Here it comes.
Did you say offer me a job?
Leo
Yes. Associate White House counsel. You'd report to the deputy White House counsel who reports to the White House counsel who reports to me.
I'm sorry... a job in this White House?
Leo
You want a glass of scotch?
I have always been a Republican. My father is a Republican. His father was State Chairman of the North Carolina Republican Party.
Leo
Yes.
When I was young, I was a Young Republican.
Leo
Yeah, Ainsley, even if you hadn't already told me all of this, you know, many, many times, I would know it anyway, 'cause I have this FBI file.
Leo
Yes.
I can't believe that! You have my FBI file?
Leo
Yes.
Leo
Ainsley...
Mr. McGarry, I loathe almost everything you believe in. [stands up]
Leo
Where are you going?
I'm not going anywhere, I'm standing up, which is how one speaks in opposition in a civilized world.
Leo
Well, you go, girl.
I find this administration smug and patronizing, and under the impression that those who disagree with them are less than they are, and with colder hearts.
Leo
I don't think that's true.
How many people on your staff assumed that I was ambitious, mean, and stupid?
Leo
None. [after a moment] C.J. Cregg thinks you kill your pets. You don't do that, do you?
No, I don't kill my pets. I don't have any pets. I was thinking about getting a pet, but-- that doesn't matter. The point is...
Leo
Ainsley.
Leo
Don't you want to work in the White House?
Oh, only since I was two.
Leo
[shrugging] Okay.
Leo
Ainsley...
Leo
The President likes smart people who disagree with him. He wants to hear from you. The President's asking you to serve. And everything else is crap.
Leo
This is Ainsley Hayes. She's scared of meeting you, so be nice.
The girl who's been writing the columns?
Leo
Yeah.
[to Ainsley] You're an idiot.
Leo
She's not an idiot, Lionel, she clerked for Dreifort!
Well, Dreifort's an idiot.
Leo
Dreifort's a Supreme Court Justice, Lionel, so let's speak of him with respect and practice some tolerance for those who disagree with us.
I believe, as long as Justice Dreifort is intolerant toward gays, lesbians, blacks, unions, women, poor people, and the first, fourth, fifth, and ninth amendments, I will remain intolerant toward him! [to Ainsley] Nice meeting you.
Leo
She's working for you, Lionel.
Leo
She's working for you. The president asked me to hire her for your office.
The President of what, asked you to hire her for my office?
Leo
The United States.
Leo
He thinks it's a great idea. He can't wait to meet you.
Leo
Yeah.
Lionel Tribbey thinks hiring me was a great idea.
Leo
Why are you surprised?
Well, because I am a Republican and Lionel Tribbey is... incredibly not.
Leo
Lionel Tribbey is the White House Counsel. He's a brilliant and fair-minded attorney, and he will accept you on his staff because he is... well, fair-minded and because...
You haven't told him yet!
Leo
I have, in fact, not told him yet, no.
So you lied to me just then.
Leo
I'm a politician, Ainsley. Of course I lied to you just then.
[to Leo, about a Russian warhead explosion:] Leo, at the time the SS-19 exploded, it was being drained of its liquid hydrogen in an attempt by deserting soldiers to – wait for it...
Leo
Steal the warhead?
Steal the warhead! [to the Russian Ambassador ] When were you gonna tell us about that? You realize how dangerous–
RARussian Ambassador
Mr. President, you shouldn't be concerned with the welfare of the Russian people.
Well, I am concerned with the welfare of the Russian people, but that's not what they pay me for. You guys fall asleep at the switch in Minsk, and I've got a whole hemisphere hiding under the bed. How do you not tell us this is going on? How do you not ask us for help?
RARussian Ambassador
We'll not need help finding the leaders of the black market network–
Yeah, thanks. We're sending in NATO inspectors.
RARussian Ambassador
Leo and I were just discussing the terms.
Leo
The terms are we're sending in NATO or he's taking a walk to the press room.
[to the Russian Ambassador] Get your foreign minister on the phone. [pauses] I honestly don't know from where you guys get the nerve.
RARussian Ambassador
From a long, hard winter, Mr. President.
Donna wants me to call Karen Cahill and make it clear she wasn't hitting on her when she gave her her underwear.
Leo
Yeah, that's because I made fun of her shoes and Sam said there were nuclear weapons in Kyrgyzstan and Donna went to clear up the mix up and accidentally left her underwear.
There can't possibly be nuclear weapons in Kyrgyzstan...
Leo
Mr. President, please don't wade hip deep into this story.
Leo
Alexander Hamilton didn't think we should have political parties. Neither did John Adams. He thought political parties led to divisiveness.
They do. They should. We have honest disagreements. Arguments are good.
Leo
Only if they lead to statesmanship. Or it's just theatre. And statesmanship is compromise.
What about persuasion? They're coming for us, Leo.
Leo
I know.
I mean they're coming for us now.
Leo
Toby, if you knew what it was like getting him to run the first time...
Leo
Like pushing molasses up a sandy hill. If I go and tell him it's time to run again he's going to get crazy... and frustrated. He's going to sink into his head and he's going to say he's not running.
Leo
Yeah.
So we've got to do it for him. We'll keep it away from this office but we've got to get real now. Leo, Ann Stark's a war time consigliere. That's why she was bumped up.
Leo
I'm a wartime consigliere too, Toby. I was just hoping it'd be peace time a little longer.
Leo
Shake my hand.
[Toby and Leo shake hands]
Leo
We just formed it.
Leo
The Committee to Reelect the President.
In my day we knew how to protect ourselves.
Leo
Well, in your day you could pretty much turn back the Indians with a Daniel Boone musket, couldn't you?
Ah, sarcasm, the grumpy man's wit.
Leo
Go sharpen a pencil, would you?
Where are you on the missile shield?
Well, I think it's dangerous, illegal...fiscally irresponsible, technologically unsound, and a threat to all people everywhere.
Leo
I think the world invented a nuclear weapon. I think the world owes it to itself to see if it can't invent something to make it irrelevant.
Well that's the right sentiment, certainly a credible one from a man who's fought in a war. You think you can make it stop? Well, you can't. We build a shield and somebody will build a better missile.
Well, it's a discussion for serious men. They say a statesman is a politician who's been dead for fifteen years. I'd like us to be statesmen while we're still alive.
The West Wing · 913 quotes
