Margaret Hooper quotes from The West Wing

Margaret

[to the Surgeon General] Red meat has been found to cause cancer in white rats. Maraschino cherries have been found to cause cancer in white rats. Cellular phones have been found to cause cancer in white rats. Has anyone examined the possibility that cancer might be hereditary in white rats?

Leo

[Signing Christmas cards] Who the hell is this guy and why would I care if he has a merry Christmas?

Margaret

Just sign the damn thing.

Margaret

Want to hear a joke?

Leo

Uh... Okay.

Margaret

You know why they only eat one egg for breakfast in France?

Leo

Why?

Margaret

'Cause in France, one egg is 'un oeuf'.

Margaret

Can I - can I just say something for the future?

Leo

Yeah.

Margaret

I can sign the President's name. I have his signature down pretty good.

Leo

You can sign the President's name?

Margaret

Yeah.

Leo

On a document removing him from power and handing it to someone else?

Margaret

Yeah. Or... do you think the White House Counsel would say that was a bad idea?

Leo

I think the White House Counsel would say it was a coup d'etat!

Margaret

Well...I'd probably end up doing some time for that.

Leo

I would think! And what the hell were you doing practicing the President's signature?

Margaret

It was just for fun.

Leo

We've got separation of powers, checks and balances, and Margaret vetoing things and sending them back to the Hill!

Lord John Marbury

Your assistant, Margaret, is looking positively buxom.

Leo

[awkwardly] Thank you. I'll tell her.

Margaret

[from outer office] Thank you!

Lord John Marbury

Oh, yes! Well done!

Margaret

Speaking of health and fitness...

Leo

Oh, merciful God!

Margaret

What did you have...

Leo

I had half a grapefruit!

Margaret

Really?

Leo

You think I'm lying?

Margaret

No.

Leo

Okay.

Margaret

Yes.

Margaret

There's someone here from NASA. He needs to speak to whoever's in charge, and at this point I have no idea who that is.

Leo

Maybe, keep the philosophical questions to yourself?

Margaret

I reached Oliver Babish. He says you owe him a raspberry panna cotta cheesecake.

CJ

He'll live.

Margaret

Longer, probably.