Who's that big guy who's always washing his car in front of your place?
Oh, that's Brock. He's my dad's bodyguard. One time I saw him kill a guy with a sock full of party snaps!
(facetiously) Did the guy's head get blown off?
(proudly) Yes it did.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
(in typically melodramatic tones) Evil has struck the House of Venture! The air reeks of an ill wind! Yea, though I have smelt it, that hath dealt it!
Morning, Brock. [Brock grabs him by the throat and lifts him off the ground, sees who it is and drops him]
Hank? You all right?
[hoarsely] I will be.
You have to stop sneaking up on me.
I just wanted to tell you [coughs] H.E.L.P.E.R.'s broken. Uh, Brock?
Yeah?
[still holding his throat] Is it okay if I cry?
Nice rescue, boys. You saved me from the only woman I've ever loved... with a hat that smells like a men's room... and we're still here.
VDr. Venture
(outside the bathroom with robe and towel) Dean, what the hell are you doing in there? I need to take a shower!
I'm practicing being a boyfriend, Pop!
VDr. Venture
(sidling away, horrified) Uh, never mind, Dean.
[opening lines]
MTMajor Tom
[over radio] I can't keep it together, Dr. Venture. I'm sorry about the TVC 15.
JVJonas Venture, Sr.
Tom, I'm not worried about that tin can, I'm worried about you. You're not dying on me, and that's an order!
[Rusty walks in, half asleep]
TVThaddeus "Rusty" Venture
What's goin' on, Pop?
JVJonas Venture, Sr.
Everything's fine, son. You're havin' a nightmare. Kano! Take Rusty downstairs and get him some warm milk.
MTMajor Tom
[over radio] I've got a message for the Action Man.
JVJonas Venture, Sr.
He's listening, Tom. Go ahead.
MTMajor Tom
I'm happy. Hope you're…happy too. [Action Man tears up] I've loved all I need to love.
JVJonas Venture, Sr.
Don't talk like that, Tom. You're gonna make it. Fight it!
[Tom lets go of the controls]
MTMajor Tom
I'm…feeling very still. And…I think my spaceship knows which way to go. Tell my wife I love her. Very much.
JVJonas Venture, Sr.
She knows!
[Tom smiles placidly]
JVJonas Venture, Sr.
Ground control to Major Tom, your circuit's dead! There's something wrong! Can you hear me, Major Tom? Can you hear me? MAJOR TOM!
[The TVC 15 plunges into the ocean, the shockwaves nudging the Venture ship. Action Man takes off his helmet in tribute.]
Ashes…to ashes.
(after Brock beats up Major Tom's screaming ghost and throws it overboard)
Well, we coulda done that.
Dad is super serious all of a sudden. Do you really think he's in as much danger as he says he is?
Oh yeah, he's screwed. I give him about an hour before he panics and begs for us to haul him up.
VDr. Venture
Okay, guys, I can hear all this!
(as Brock beats up the fake ghost pirate)
P1Pirate 1
Oh crap, he's getting his ass kicked, let's go save him!
P2Pirate 2
You crazy? My sword's made of cardboard.
Hey is that guy dead?
Yeah, probably.
You're not a very good liar, Dean, are ya?
Maybe...
Brock, if pirates really exist, I mean, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy could even be real, right? It's like, all bets are off!
Hank, nobody ever said pirates don't exist.
So you agree with me that this is impossible.
Hank, if there was ever a time in your life I needed you not to be Hank, it's now.
Uh, sorry, Brock.
Focus, Hank! Whatever you do, don't light a cigarette. A good sniper can see a hot cherry for miles.
Brock, I don't smoke!
Good. Now's a lousy time to start.
(Brock is chained up, and talking to Hank through his communicator watch)
After the twist, you'll feel a snap. Then the body goes ragdoll on ya.
And that will knock him out...even more?
That'll kill him.
Do I have to?
Alright fine, crybaby. Just tie him up and, maybe I guess gag him. But at the first sign of trouble I want you to at least break both his knees.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Venture Bros. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.