[Upon discovering the room filled with slug clones of the Venture Brothers]
TTed
You're not ghosts! You're the fucking Boys from Brazil!
“¡Viva los Muertos!” · Season 2
In this episode: Brock Samson (8), Ted (8), Doctor Thaddeus Venture (7), Doctor Byron Orpheus (6), Hank Venture (4), Sonny (4), Patty (3), Dean Venture (2)
Brock, I need dead people. Lots and lots of dead people.
Uh-huh.
Now I've already got 12 from the henchmen you killed, not counting the black guy without the head, but we need like, uh, 100 something. We need like a full gross of dead people.
Right, and, uh... where are we gonna get all these dead people?
Well, I thought, seeing as you are... you know, you and all, I thought maybe... you could go out and--
No.
--make some...
No.
...dead people.
No.
Well, fine. Thanks a lot for not helping.
Anything else?
HELP ME GET DEAD PEOPLE!
Ah, Mr. Venture. I caught you.
(unenthusiastic) Yay.
As per our landlord tenant agreement I've come to inform you of a small gathering I will host from, say, 5 in the post meridian until, question mark.
Whatever. Knock yourself out.
[Referring to Venturestein] Is that man dead?
Uh, no.
Once again Mr. Venture you cut decency to the quick and leave her to die in prostitute ally!
VVenturestein
Prostituuuutes!
Why's he gotta cry like that?
I think you scare him.
Well, I'm not the one who froze his corpse or nuked him back from the Great Beyond to be a half-dead short bus seat warmer.
VDr. Venture
But you did kill him. And then when I unkilled him you kind of did it again.
You hit him so hard he has an afro now!
Yeah, he was just this guy... guy in a butterfly suit who got in over his head. And I could see it in his eyes that if I let him get away this one time he'd never come back...but then, I also thought...y'know...Kill 'im. What kind of way is that ta -
SShaman
Quanto! (Begins to Mumble)
SSShaman's Interpreter
Wuh - one time, I am in the Amazon, on my canoe, and I see, swim, the dolphin, the, uh, the beautiful dolphin, so I slip out of my canoe, and I grab her, this...fish...(Shaman mimes a penis penetrating a vagina, placing one finger through two looped together)...and, uh, then I fucked it... the fish!
The Hell's that got to with anything?
SShaman
Kayho Hadaile!
SSShaman's Interpreter
Hot dolphin!
[suddenly realizing] You're an idiot!
DDolphin
You see, Brock Samson, we're all one. We all share the same need for shelter, warmth, fulfillment. The secret of happiness lies not in conquest, but in empathy.
[The dolphin is speared in the back and ripped out from under Brock, then drawn up into the belly button of what appears to be a very large and very naked woman, though her face is obscured]
Wooooaaah. Better dolphin!
[The 'Woman' Leans forward, revealing 'Her' true face]
Samson!!
Hunter?!
What is all this namby-pamby feel bad about good wet work bullshit?! You're beyond good and evil, Superman! You work for the government.
What about uhhh, humanity and empathy and all that garbage?
Who cares? You're going to special ops heaven.
Really?
Really! And it's god damned great! [He flies upwards, clutching Brock to him] The G-Man Valhalla! There's trim and guns everywhere. And we eat steak flavored clouds and poop secrets!
[Hugging one of Hunter's gigantic Breasts] But you're not even dead. You're a woman!
And you're a tool, boy, a tool! Built for a single purpose by the United States of shut your third god damned eye for a good fucking reason! You can't teach a hammer to love nails, son. That dog don't hunt!
[Brock awakens]
DON'T! HUNT!
[The Groovy Gang are fleeing Venturestein when they run into Brock]
TTed
NO! Another one!
DON'T HUNT!
TTed
Not so fast, los—[Brock grabs his arm] Don't shoot me!
Mine is the sword of Michael! [the gun fires, shooting Sonny] I'm bleeding all over!
[Brock head butts Ted, killing him]
[dying] I'm so cold, man...I'm so fuckin' cold.
VVal
The few remaining men will exist as studs, breeding in the cow pasture. Or they could go off to the nearest suicide center where they'll be quietly gassed to death.
TTed
Come on, guys!
[Val gropes Patty’s breasts]
Val, don’t.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Venture Bros. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.