The Suite Life of Zack & Cody quotes

Cody

I hate those rented shoes. Two hours in the shower and I can still feel the fungus between my toes!

Zack

Speaking of fungus, hand me that soda.

Cody

What does that have to do with fungus?

Zack

Nothing. I just want my danged soda!

Cody

Why can't you get your danged soda yourself?

Zack

Mr. Moseby wants me to ice my bowling arm.

Cody

Boy, you are milking this star player thing...

Zack

Speaking of milking things, I need you to do my current events homework. Mr. Moseby wants me to ... rest my ... golden arm...

Cody

Well, you better get the newspaper first, because you're doing your own stinking homework.

Zack

Fine, fine, fine. But if I pull a finger muscle, it's on your head.

Cody

Well, it's better than where it usually is, up your nose, digging for gold.

Zack

That's funny... [Zack opens the door to leave the suite] Hey, check it out! There's some loser in the hall in a towel!

Cody

No way! Who is it?

Zack

You! [Zack pushes Cody and closes the door]

London

[cheering] We've got spirit, yes, we do. We've got spirit, how 'bout- you? [bumps into Ilsa's brawny bowler Hilda]

We've got spirit, ya, we do. Shut your mouth, or I'll crush you!

[learning that Zack has been grounded before the bowling match] I beg you to punish Zack on a regular basis, but just when I need him the most, you get tough. You hate me, don't you?

Zack

Me and Cody were going to see Killer Koala.

Saw it. He was framed by the platypus.

Zack

I've learned two things today. It's that, one, you can't buy friendship; and two, city bus drivers take pity on you when you're half naked.

Zack

Mr. Moseby, you think you could open the icecream bar a bit earlier today?

Absolutely not, there is no...

I could go for an ice cream.

Consider it open! Let me call our frozen confections engineer.

Zack

Thanks man, that was awesome!

Need anything else?

Cody

Yeah, a basketball that comes back up after it hits the ground.

Well, why won't you come back to my place. I've got dozens of basketballs and a regulation court.

Zack

You have a basketball court outside your house?

Inside, right next to the bowling alley. [to Moseby] Tell mom I'm taking the car.

Zack

You have a car?

Well, if you consider a stretched limo with a hot tub and a big screen tv a car then yeah...

Zack

Dude, where have you been all my life!

Cody

Hot tub - called it!

Why is there a crying baby in the lobby?

Maddie

It's not a real baby. It's our homework assignment.

Is there any way you can get your homework assignment to shut up?

Esteban

It's raining lamas and goats outside.

London

Don't you mean cats and dogs?

Esteban

[giggles] That's a silly expression. Why must all women shop so much? Uh, nine shopping bags?

London

One for every day of the week!

Maddie

I bet you also think that a woman's place is in the kitchen!

Esteban

Only after she gets back from the grocery store!

Maddie

Oh, that attitude is so typically male! I'll have you know, women are capable of doing anything!

Esteban

How about talking quietly?

Cody

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Zack

Chihuahuas have freakishly huge ears. I mean, compared to their bodies, they're massive!

Cody

NO!

Carey

And just where do you two think you're going?

Cody

[to Zack] I don't get it. She didn't even turn around!

Zack

Ok. The eyes in the back of her head thing is really creepy!

Carey

Just so you know, my vision is twenty-twenty-twenty-twenty. You are not playing hockey without helmets and a whole bunch of pads, anything that looks like skin - go cover it.

Zack

Speaking of helmets and pads, if we wear them, could we go bungee jumping later?

Carey

Not even off your bed.

Cody

Bob's parents said he could go.

Carey

And if Bob's parents let him jump off the bridge, would you wanna do that too?

Zack

If we were attached to a bungee cord!

Carey

Not even if you were still attached to my umbilical cord.

Zack

Ok, ewww...

Cody

Why won't you let us have any fun?

Carey

It's my job. It's the first thing they teach you in mom's school. I discipline because I care.

Zack

Well, couldn't you care less? We're not kids you know!

Cody

Yeah, can't you treat us like adults?

Carey

As soon as I don't have to buy my own Mother's Day cards.

Cody

Fine, we'll read.

Zack

Careful Cody, you better put your helmet on. Those are hard cover books.

Cody

Is this safe enough for you mom? Ow! paper cut! Mommy, kiss it!

Zack

Hey Arwin, what are you...

Cody

Ok, that's a little disturbing...

Arwin

I was just practicing asking your mom out, because every time I try to ask your real mom, I get lost in her big brown beautiful eyes...

Cody

Arwin!

Arwin

Yeah!

Cody

Put mom in the drawer and come play with us!

Zack

I mean, everytime we ask someone to play with us, they all say the same thing.

Arwin

I don't have time.

Zack

Yeah!

Arwin

No, no, I mean I really don't have time. See, when I'm not practicing my dating skills, I'm working on a secret project. So secret in fact, that no power on earth can make me tell you what it is.

Zack

Then we won't ask.

Arwin

Ok, ok, I'm gonna tell you! Ready? 3, 2, 1, tada! Aaaaaah! Yeah!

Cody

Wow... a pay phone...

Zack

You invented something that nobody uses anymore.

(after returning from the parallel universe and Arwin enters) ARWIN!!!

Arwin

ZACK!!! CODY!!! WHY ARE WE YELLING????!!!!

[walks over to Carey] The name's Weldon. Irv Weldon. And I like to be shaken, not stirred.

Arwin

Oh, that Weldon is as smooth as porcelain.

Zack

You're gonna be fine Arwin. The first event is in ten minutes.

Cody

Have you found a happy place to think about?

Arwin

Well, actually, at first it was me and mother on a lovely tropical cruise... Then a storm hit and the waves were huge, and then her wheelchair rolled off the side, and I yelled: "Mother, throw me the house keys!"

Zack

Okay... How about thinking about a nice cookie?

Arwin

Uh, that'll work!

Well, most things worth getting require hard work. Which is an experience, shall I say, you have been deprived of.

London

How so?

Whenever you want something, you just call daddy and he gets it for you.

London

It's not as easy as it looks. Daddy has a lot of different phone numbers.

Zack

That was amazing! How did you hit ten free-throws in a row?

Cody

New system. I realized, if I picture myself in the happy place, all the pressure goes away.

Zack

Where's your happy place?

Cody

Can't say. You might show up.