“I Love Lisa” quotes from The Simpsons (Season 4) ... TV Quotes Database

[Lisa opens a package from Ralph.]

A Malibu Stacy convertible! [she finds a note from Ralph] "Look in the tunk." He must mean "trunk". [opens trunk] Two tickets to the Krusty Anniversary Show! Oh, he must want me to go with him.

Bart

That's not fair! I'm ten times the Krusty fan you are. I even have the Krusty Home Pregnancy test!

Lisa

I'm not sure if I should go. I don't even like him.

Bart

You're right, Lis. You shouldn't go. It wouldn't be honest. I'll go disguised as you.

Lisa

But what if he wants to hold hands?

Bart

I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.

Lisa

What if he wants to kiss?

Bart

I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.

Lisa

What if he wants to--

Bart

You don't want to know how far I'll go.

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Lisa

Chief Wiggum, how'd you ever get these tickets?

Chief Wiggum

Krusty knows how to play ball.

(Flashback: Establishing shot of the Springfield-X porno theater as raunchy, guitar-backed porno music plays. The buzzing marquee reads: "Now Playing: Debbie Does Springfield". Cut to inside where Krusty the Clown is watching the movie. Chief Wiggum comes in and takes a seat behind Krusty while eating from a bucket of popcorn)

Chief Wiggum

Ah, nothing beats a good porno movie.

Krusty (recognizes the voice and turns back to face Wiggum with fear in his voice): Chief Wiggum?! Is this a bust?

Chief Wiggum (unable to answer the question honestly): Uh...yeah. That's just what it is: a bust.

(cut back to Lisa talking to Wiggum from the back seat of his police cruiser)

Lisa

That story isn't suitable for children.

Chief Wiggum

Really? I keep my pants on in this version.

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[Determined to avenge Ralph for being harshly spurned by Lisa, Chief Wiggum pulls Homer over.]