MOMan over PA
OK, guys. That's 9:00! Unbolt the doors...
[The store doors are packed with many people]
MOMan over PA
....and stand back!
[A store employee and a horde of angry people start rampaging for the new Chatty Miss Perky doll. One person runs on Rico, Kowalski ducks and screams, and a person picks up Private. Private farts on that person's face, blowing his hat off.]
PrivateOooh.
MMan
[referring to Private] Talking penguin? [he shakes him] What is this? 2005?
[The man tosses Private back on the floor]
Private
Aaaaaahhhhh!
[He crashes on the floor joining the other penguins. On the empty aisle shelf, the Chatty! sign from the doll's logo, hangs briefly, then falls. The penguins are beat up from the fight. Rico is on a tricycle wheel hanging upside down. Skipper sits up, his eyes rolling dizzily as he smiles goofily.]
[exhausted] Maybe at a different toy store?
[Later, at another toy store, Skipper is seen screaming because of the same doll rampage and he gets kicked by a person. Private is stepped on his head, Rico is squashed by a man's shoe. A person kicks Kowalski, crashing into the other penguins.]
[woozy] Perhaps direct from the factory?
[The penguins have rigged a pretzel cart to fly in the air to escape Officer X.]
And at 400 feet and climbing, I don't think there's much chance of running into him. We're home free. [high-fives Rico and Kowalski]
Private
I guess you're right, Skipper. You know, unless Officer X did something like hide inside the pretzel cart before we took off. Well, you have to admit it's kind of strange. We ran all over the zoo, carrying supplies, and didn't see Officer X. Not even once. I'm just saying it's possible that Officer X could have anticipated our plan and might have hidden in the cart's pretzel compartment before we took off.
[The penguins look at Private, then laugh at his idea.]
That has to be just the most ridiculous...
You can't possibly imagine the stasticical improbabilty that... Well...
[becoming scared] That Officer X - the Officer X - is hiding... down there.
[also becoming scared] Just... inches... below our... very feet.
Well, the very idea... I mean, it's... it's just that it's so...
It's so... So, so-so, so, so...
[panics] SO TOTALLY OBVIOUS!!! BATTLE STATIONS!!! [the penguins make battle stances outside the pretzel compartment door] On three... One... Two... I can't do it! I mean, what if he's really in there? What if he leaps out with one of those witty one-liners? Probably something about pretzels.
Something like, "I'll bet you never expected this twist."
Private
[he suddenly goes crazy] Sardines? FISH! [he runs towards Rico, who kicks him away and glares angrily]
[Private smacks into the wall and is held back by Skipper and Kowalski before he can get away]
Private! Explain yourself, soldier!
Private
FISH! [laughs crazily]
[creeped out] Kowalski, analysis!
[Kowalski measures Private's head and puts a magnifying glass next to Private's right eye]
Crazy eyes...[ puts a popsicle stick on Private's tongue. Private waves his flippers up and down] Babbling tongue...
[Private bites Kowalski's flipper, frees himself of their grip and runs to Rico, who pushes Private over]
Private
FISH!
Egad! I believe our Norwegian herring was a bit too aged.
Never ever blame the fish, Kowalski!
But don't you see? [pulls out a clipboard & pencil] Private's contracted Bacterial, Pisces Dementia! A rare brain disease that's turning him into a fish-craving psychopath!
Yeah, we don't need two of those. Can he be cured?
It should wear off in 24 hours just as long as he doesn't feed the disease. [pulls up a chart with a fish on it] That means no fish of any kind. If Private ingests so much as a single sardine, he'll be like this forever.
Private
[he launches at the chart] FISH!
[Rico, slyly, puts the sardines in front of Private's face and pulls it away, when he tries to get it, Kowalski and Skipper hold him back and Private yells, "FISH!" Rico does it again and again and again]
Well, on the bright side, maybe this will teach Private not to overindulge in so much brined herring. [chuckles]
Wait, didn't you eat as much as he did? [Kowalski's right eye moves away then back to normal before showing he's been affected by the disease.]
Why, yes I...dooby-dooby-did! FISH!! [he lunges at Rico, but he pushes him away. Skipper keeps the two penguins away from the fish, slapping them repeatedly.]
Looks like we're on psycho patrol, amigo. No fish for these two for the next 24 hours.
[suspicious] Uhh, what about you?
[confidently; still slapping] Luckily, my iron-clad constitution has made me immune to this Pisces Dementia.
Seriously. [Rico stares at him again] No effect. [Rico gives one serious look] Iron-clad constitution.
[Rico smiles, thinking that it should be all right. Unfortunately, Rico panics as he stops hearing Skipper slapping Private and Kowalski. He stares at Skipper, seeing that he was affected by the disease like Private and Kowalski.]
AHHH! [Rico quickly eats the sardines and is chased around the HQ by the three fish-craving penguins. He blocks the door.]
[from outside] Feeding time!
[pause for a while before charging up the ladder] FIIIISH!
Private
OK, Mort, we have enough food for several days. I'm sure Skipper will find us soon, right?
[sniffing his finger] Mmm! My finger smells funny! [giggles] You wanna smell it?
Private
No, I'd rather conserve energy and sleep; you should do the same [starts sleeping]
Nighty-night. [stares his head left and right]
[After a time transition, Mort was revealed to eat all the food in the machine and lets out a really loud and long burp, waking Private up]
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRP!!!!!!!!
Private
Oh, what was that?
[lying on the machine, fattened up rubbing his big full Tummy] Ooh! My tummy don't feel so good.
Private
What happened? Where's the food?
Private
[a bit angry] So you ate everything?! Even the Cheezy Bits?!
They're not so bad after the fifth bag.
Private
[begins screaming in pain] Do you realize what you've done, Mort? We needed that food! It's doom to us both!
Private
Yes, doom, doom, doom, because you're dumb, dumb, dumb! [Mort begins crying] Don't you dare crying!; Because only worse than being trapped with you the rest of my life is being trapped for the rest of my life with you crying!
[Later at The Zoo]
Private
See, Mort? It was good that you ate the food!
Private
I Know Mort! But it was good that you did anyway because it saved us! Don't you understand?
[Mort puts his paws on his Tummy as his Tummy Gurgles very loudly and he let's out a very loud and big Fart.]
[After Skipper, Kowalski and Rico scrub off the marker off of Private in a failed attempt to reverse his molting; Skipper, Kowalski and Rico look at Private in shock.]
Private
[confused] What? Did you miss a spot?
No, we were very... thorough. [gags]
[Upon finding out that he's completely naked, Private screams in horror, scaring away some birds as he does.]
The Penguins of Madagascar · 78 quotes
