Skipper quotes from The Penguins of Madagascar

Skipper

Curse you, internet! 28,000 cat videos, zero useful information.

Skipper

[seeing a room full of Santas] Oh, sugar plums!

Skipper

[seeing the Hoboken Zoo tag] Some poor sap has a one-way ticket to North Jersey oblivion.

Skipper

I've rotted away in gulags, work camps, penal colonies in every dirty, flea-bitten corner of creation. But I promised myself that I would NEVER END UP IN HOBOKEN!!! AT LEAST NOT ALIVE!!! I WILL PLUCK OUT MY OWN EYEBALLS!!! I SWEAR TO YOU!!!

Skipper

If I'm not watching total vehicular mayhem in the next five minutes... MY HEAD'LL EXPLODE!!!

Skipper

[last lines] Even problem, not our jurisdiction.

King Julien

I was so looking forward to eating my delicious cake! How can I look forward to eating nothing?! Answer me, Maurice!

Maurice

They'll make new cakes. New bake-off on the double!

Skipper

Hold it, party boy! One quiet week of scheduled maintenance. Is that too much to ask? Is it?! You bombard me with music, and fruit, and this! [points to the cake on his head] Newsflash, lower mammal, there's no such thing as KING JULIEN DAY!!!

King Julien

Come back here, you music hater!

Skipper

I don't hate music. I hate noise.

Maurice

[After calling the other zoo animals to the lemur habitat] You’ve all been called here today to dig a proclamation from King Julien himself!

Marlene

[To Burt the elephant] Thirty peanuts says this is about his feet.

Make it forty.

King Julien

[Clears his throat] From this moment that is happening now and on, those who touch the king’s feet, which are mine, will be punished most savagely! [He unfurls a piece of paper with a foot in a “Not allowed” sign] I drew that. Me. I did. [Everyone groans]

Mort

No feet?

Skipper

Well, that’s five minutes of our lives we won’t get back.

Kowalski

Until I get my time machine fully functioning. [Everyone leaves]

Julien

Wait! This is a very serious proclamation that I am proclaiming! [Slaps the “No feet allowed” sign on the volcano] Look! It is posted right here on the plastic volcano! And ANYONE who dares to be touching my beautiful feets shall be banish-ed from my kingdom! FOREVER!!!!!!

Maurice

[Pretending to echo] Ever! Ever. Ever…

Julien

What are you doing?

Maurice

Echoing your for dramatic effect!

Julien

Oh, nice! I like it! Now go to rebuilding my super comfy pamper-time floaty throne! And make it floatier and super comfy! [Maurice leaves]

Mort

[Sadly poking his head out from behind a rock, staring at Julien’s feet] Banished… forever?

Julien

Forever!

Maurice

Ever! Ever! Ever!

Skipper

[To Mort] Sad Eyes! Fall in! [Mort stands erect like a soldier] Recruit, I’m gonna mold you like a lump of wet clay!

Marlene

Yeah. Good luck with that. [Leaves the Penguins’ hideout]

Mort

Oh, goody! I’m wet clay!

Skipper

Pop quiz, troops. What can't we trust?

Kowalski

[flipping through his notebook] Three-day-old stir-fry mung beans.

Skipper

Right. What else can't we trust?

Private

[holding up a book on badgers] Badgers!

Private

...Maybe that's just me.

Skipper

Listen up, lemur. Maurice ate those bad nuts. He went off the deep end.

Kowalski

He's turned the lemur habitat into an armed fortress.

Private

He's enslaved the entire zoo!

King Julien

I cannot be believing my ears. [furious] Maurice ATE MY LYCHEE NUTS!

Mort

Ooooh, it smells like the circus!

Skipper

Uh, do you mind? We're trying to help him.

All right, Skipper. That's enough. It's my turn.

Skipper

WHAT?!

Okay, your stomach begins rumbling, it is on the verge of vomiting. Throw up!

Mort

Weeheheheee!

Maurice

Mort the bomb! Get rid of the bomb!

Mort

I got the bomb, Mort is the best, I am the winner! Mort is so—owe!

Rico

What happened?

Skipper

Why, Melman, you won! And Rico’s talking now! Oh, Thank you, Doc.

Skipper

[After the rat king jumps on Kowalski while playing hockey; concerned]: Kowalski, speak to me, man!

Kowalski

[lying on ground] Just a... knock on the old... [twitches] ...monkey bus.

Skipper

[confused] Kowalski?

Kowalski

[stumbling on ice] No need to paint. I'm as flopsy-faced as ever.

Skipper

[after Kowalski gets up and picks up hockey stick] I...don't think you're fit for duty.

Kowalski

[continuing to stumble] Flibertigibit, man. I'm as juxtaposed as the next hamburger. [slips and falls on his belly]

Dr. Blowhole

I am so glad you could all join me to witness history. I am, of course, especially pleased that my fli-i-i-ghtless foes graced us with their presence.

Skipper

[annoyed] Wouldn't miss it for the world.

Private

There's nothing good on Tely tonight anyway.

Dr. Blowhole

[hovering over Private] Well, Private, here's a little show I whipped up. It's called:

Ring of Fire.

Dr. Blowhole

It is fitting that I returned to the very aqua theater where I performed tricks for the duller humans. Oh, how it made me bitter.

Private

Sorry. Did he say "bitter" or "better"?

Skipper

Hard to say; the sound really bounces around in here.

Kowalski

No, that would be the high ceilings.

Dr. Blowhole

My humiliation in the Ring of Fire became my inspiration. In the Frozen North, we've constructed a vast circle of certainly surprising devices that tap into the heat of the Earth's core. [four drill-like devices break through the ice, glowing]

Skipper

Oh, come on. [Dr. Blowhole zooms over to Skipper]

Dr. Blowhole

Do you mind?! I'm just getting to the good part! It's re-e-ealy quite a shocker.

Skipper

It's so obvious. Humiliated by the humans-

Private

-activate the Ring of Fire-

Kowalski

-melt the Arctic-

Skipper

Well, how did we do, punk?

Dr. Blowhole

[slightly surprised] You're... in the ball park.