Mort quotes from The Penguins of Madagascar

Mort

What’s that, Mr. Foot? You want a hug? Okay!

Mort

[after chopping down the city's Christmas tree] I'm a lumberjack! Arr, matey!

Maurice

[After calling the other zoo animals to the lemur habitat] You’ve all been called here today to dig a proclamation from King Julien himself!

Marlene

[To Burt the elephant] Thirty peanuts says this is about his feet.

Make it forty.

King Julien

[Clears his throat] From this moment that is happening now and on, those who touch the king’s feet, which are mine, will be punished most savagely! [He unfurls a piece of paper with a foot in a “Not allowed” sign] I drew that. Me. I did. [Everyone groans]

Mort

No feet?

Skipper

Well, that’s five minutes of our lives we won’t get back.

Kowalski

Until I get my time machine fully functioning. [Everyone leaves]

Julien

Wait! This is a very serious proclamation that I am proclaiming! [Slaps the “No feet allowed” sign on the volcano] Look! It is posted right here on the plastic volcano! And ANYONE who dares to be touching my beautiful feets shall be banish-ed from my kingdom! FOREVER!!!!!!

Maurice

[Pretending to echo] Ever! Ever. Ever…

Julien

What are you doing?

Maurice

Echoing your for dramatic effect!

Julien

Oh, nice! I like it! Now go to rebuilding my super comfy pamper-time floaty throne! And make it floatier and super comfy! [Maurice leaves]

Mort

[Sadly poking his head out from behind a rock, staring at Julien’s feet] Banished… forever?

Julien

Forever!

Maurice

Ever! Ever! Ever!

Mort

Must not think about feet. [Falls asleep] Must count sheep. [Dreams he wakes up in a meadow] Yay! Sheep! [The first two sheep jump over a fence] One, two… [Yawns] Three… [Suddenly, the third sheep transforms into Julien’s foot]

[With Julian’s voice] Feet, Mort! You must count feet!

Mort

Okay! [Skips after the two feet. The dream ends with him back in the lemur habitat, giggling while he’s sleeping. Walks over to Julien] No! Not the feet! [Chains himself to a fake palm tree]

Julien

What in the feets are you doing?!?

Mort

I… I… I… You… You… You…

Julien

You… You… You are hereby banish-ed from my kingdom FOREVER!!!! [Looks around] Maurice?!

Maurice

[Late on the echo] Ever! Ever… Wait! You mean Mort’s exiled? For eternity?

Julien

Forever or for eternity! I’m flexible, but the no-feet touching must be of zero tolerance!

You cannot escape us, Mort!

Hug us! We need hugs! [The feet circle around him]

Mort

Shoo! Go away, feet! [Swats the air, pretending to shoo the feet away. Nearby, Marlene watches]

Marlene

Hey, Mort. I heard about the whole foot-banishing thing. If there’s anything I can do to help…

Mort

Fix me! Cure me! Help me! Save me!

Marlene

Whoa! Take it easy, Mort! I’m an otter! Not a miracle worker! But I know someone who can help!

Skipper

[To Mort] Sad Eyes! Fall in! [Mort stands erect like a soldier] Recruit, I’m gonna mold you like a lump of wet clay!

Marlene

Yeah. Good luck with that. [Leaves the Penguins’ hideout]

Mort

Oh, goody! I’m wet clay!

Mort

Ooooh, it smells like the circus!

Skipper

Uh, do you mind? We're trying to help him.

All right, Skipper. That's enough. It's my turn.

Skipper

WHAT?!

Okay, your stomach begins rumbling, it is on the verge of vomiting. Throw up!

Mort

Weeheheheee!

Maurice

Mort the bomb! Get rid of the bomb!

Mort

I got the bomb, Mort is the best, I am the winner! Mort is so—owe!

Rico

What happened?

Skipper

Why, Melman, you won! And Rico’s talking now! Oh, Thank you, Doc.

King Julien

If you ask me, the not pretty part was the bad guy running away like a scaredy baby. He was no match for me, Double Agent Spy Guy!

Marlene

[laughs] You're kidding, right?

King Julien

No, Marlene, you are wrong again. Shut it.

Mort

I helped.

Marlene

[in disbelief] Julien the double agent saves the world? Come on. [leaves]

King Julien

[stammers flustered] So, I face danger and the adventure of a lifetime, and nobody will ever know about it?

Skipper

Welcome to my world. That makes you an honorary penguin.

King Julien

Does that mean I am your BFF?

Skipper

Uh... We'll keep that code on the Q.T.

Mort

[runs past] King Julien is a buffalo firefighter!

Julien

[devastated] My... kingdom...

Private

You did the right thing, Julien... Eventually... When you had no other choice... Um... Good job?

Julien

[delighted] Look how roomy it is now! Finally, a habitat fit for a king! Come, Maurice, let us wallow in the luxurious nothing!

Mort

Hooray for nothing!

Private

OK, Mort, we have enough food for several days. I'm sure Skipper will find us soon, right?

Mort

[sniffing his finger] Mmm! My finger smells funny! [giggles] You wanna smell it?

Private

No, I'd rather conserve energy and sleep; you should do the same [starts sleeping]

Mort

Nighty-night. [stares his head left and right]

Mort

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRP!!!!!!!!

Private

Oh, what was that?

Mort

[lying on the machine, fattened up rubbing his big full Tummy] Ooh! My tummy don't feel so good.

Private

What happened? Where's the food?

Mort

Well, I got hungry.

Private

[a bit angry] So you ate everything?! Even the Cheezy Bits?!

Mort

They're not so bad after the fifth bag.

Private

[begins screaming in pain] Do you realize what you've done, Mort? We needed that food! It's doom to us both!

Mort

[sits down] Doom?!

Private

Yes, doom, doom, doom, because you're dumb, dumb, dumb! [Mort begins crying] Don't you dare crying!; Because only worse than being trapped with you the rest of my life is being trapped for the rest of my life with you crying!

Private

See, Mort? It was good that you ate the food!

Mort

But you told me not too.

Private

I Know Mort! But it was good that you did anyway because it saved us! Don't you understand?

Mort

I have to go potty!