King Julien quotes from The Penguins of Madagascar

King Julien

NONE... MAY TOUCH... THE ROYAL FEET!!! NONE!!!

Julien

And finally, it's the trampling by a thousand rhinos! [A rhino tramples Rico who yelps] Uh, slight glitch, though, we only have one rhino. So you have to do it a thousand times. [Rico gets trampled by the rhino again]

Julien

Flightless bird, you have completed the three trials! By the way, sorry about the extra rhino tramplings. I lost count.

King Julien

Mort, did you just have the audacity to kick your stinking foot into the sacred temple of my royal buttocks?

King Julien

And you had better let the king tell you how he is going to DECIDE HIS IMPORTANT KINGLY DECISION, OKAY?!

King Julien

I was so looking forward to eating my delicious cake! How can I look forward to eating nothing?! Answer me, Maurice!

Maurice

They'll make new cakes. New bake-off on the double!

Skipper

Hold it, party boy! One quiet week of scheduled maintenance. Is that too much to ask? Is it?! You bombard me with music, and fruit, and this! [points to the cake on his head] Newsflash, lower mammal, there's no such thing as KING JULIEN DAY!!!

King Julien

Come back here, you music hater!

Skipper

I don't hate music. I hate noise.

Maurice

[After calling the other zoo animals to the lemur habitat] You’ve all been called here today to dig a proclamation from King Julien himself!

Marlene

[To Burt the elephant] Thirty peanuts says this is about his feet.

Make it forty.

King Julien

[Clears his throat] From this moment that is happening now and on, those who touch the king’s feet, which are mine, will be punished most savagely! [He unfurls a piece of paper with a foot in a “Not allowed” sign] I drew that. Me. I did. [Everyone groans]

Mort

No feet?

Skipper

Well, that’s five minutes of our lives we won’t get back.

Kowalski

Until I get my time machine fully functioning. [Everyone leaves]

Julien

Wait! This is a very serious proclamation that I am proclaiming! [Slaps the “No feet allowed” sign on the volcano] Look! It is posted right here on the plastic volcano! And ANYONE who dares to be touching my beautiful feets shall be banish-ed from my kingdom! FOREVER!!!!!!

Maurice

[Pretending to echo] Ever! Ever. Ever…

Julien

What are you doing?

Maurice

Echoing your for dramatic effect!

Julien

Oh, nice! I like it! Now go to rebuilding my super comfy pamper-time floaty throne! And make it floatier and super comfy! [Maurice leaves]

Mort

[Sadly poking his head out from behind a rock, staring at Julien’s feet] Banished… forever?

Julien

Forever!

Maurice

Ever! Ever! Ever!

Julien

What in the feets are you doing?!?

Mort

I… I… I… You… You… You…

Julien

You… You… You are hereby banish-ed from my kingdom FOREVER!!!! [Looks around] Maurice?!

Maurice

[Late on the echo] Ever! Ever… Wait! You mean Mort’s exiled? For eternity?

Julien

Forever or for eternity! I’m flexible, but the no-feet touching must be of zero tolerance!

You cannot escape us, Mort!

Hug us! We need hugs! [The feet circle around him]

Mort

Shoo! Go away, feet! [Swats the air, pretending to shoo the feet away. Nearby, Marlene watches]

Marlene

Hey, Mort. I heard about the whole foot-banishing thing. If there’s anything I can do to help…

Mort

Fix me! Cure me! Help me! Save me!

Marlene

Whoa! Take it easy, Mort! I’m an otter! Not a miracle worker! But I know someone who can help!

Skipper

Listen up, lemur. Maurice ate those bad nuts. He went off the deep end.

Kowalski

He's turned the lemur habitat into an armed fortress.

Private

He's enslaved the entire zoo!

King Julien

I cannot be believing my ears. [furious] Maurice ATE MY LYCHEE NUTS!

Julien

[after Dr. Blowhole and he stopped laughing maniacally] Question: why are we laughing?

Dr. Blowhole

Question: how did the prisoner escape?! [Julien leaps on him]

Julien

Prisoner escaped?! Is he dangerous?

Dr. Blowhole

[annoyed] No, and apparently, he isn't very bright.

King Julien

If you ask me, the not pretty part was the bad guy running away like a scaredy baby. He was no match for me, Double Agent Spy Guy!

Marlene

[laughs] You're kidding, right?

King Julien

No, Marlene, you are wrong again. Shut it.

Mort

I helped.

Marlene

[in disbelief] Julien the double agent saves the world? Come on. [leaves]

King Julien

[stammers flustered] So, I face danger and the adventure of a lifetime, and nobody will ever know about it?

Skipper

Welcome to my world. That makes you an honorary penguin.

King Julien

Does that mean I am your BFF?

Skipper

Uh... We'll keep that code on the Q.T.

Mort

[runs past] King Julien is a buffalo firefighter!

Julien

[after being submerged in toy dolls] I confess to everything! My father was not a talking water cycle! [is submerged again] I cheat at whistling! [makes raspberries]

These snitches don't know anything. They're just a bunch of "small potatoes."

King Julien

It's true! I am also secretly a potato. OK, that one was a lie. I just wanted the ropes off, you know?

King Julien

That was the most "awesome-est" thing I have ever seen that wasn't me!

Skipper

Rico! [The other Penguins show up at the Lemur Habitat, all looking angry] Who authorized that billboard detonation, hmm?!

Julien

Who authorized anybody to care? Ha! The shiny face sign is gone, and there was exploding! Haha! High-five the awesome baby!

Rico

Alright! [high-fives with Julien]

Kowalski

[to Skipper with reminding words] You did tell him to take care of King Julien's problem...

Julien

You know? I can think of many other things that also could use a good "Kabooming," if you know what I mean!

Skipper

Whoa, Ringtail! There's a reason we don't let Rico go wild with the kaboom. He needs a guiding hand to pull him back before things go too far-- [Rico and Julien then doze off from Skipper's warning about Rico's problem, instead imagining what they can blow up by constantly repeating the phrase "Kaboom" in their heads] --fiery end of life as we know it! Comprende?

[monotoned] Kaboom! Kaboom!

Julien

[regains consciousness] Uh-heh, I mean, of course! It is unwise that we two shall Kaboom together [winks to Rico] ever again.

Private

Why are you winking?

Julien

Because, I'm... allergic to, uh... Shut up, okay?

Julien

You are my minister of awesome!!

Rico

YAA-HOO-HOOOO!! [high-fives Julien]

Skipper

[demandingly angry] Rico! Explain yourself, soldier!

Julien

Ah! Check it out! You remember my old, boring, and lame throne?

Rico

[agreeing with Julien] Eh?

Julien

Now, thanks to the crazy penguin with the sick skills, it explodes like a rock-and-roller concert every time you say the word "Julien!"

Rico

[rock star-esque voice] AAAAAAAAAH, YEAH!!!

Skipper

Move in hard and fast, men! Rico's a danger to himself and others. We never leave a madman behind.

Julien

Haha! Too late, you silly penguin! Already he is expanding my kingdom with the most "mayhem-iest" destructo machine ever! Hahaha!-- [Just as Julien starts laughing, Rico is heard making a buzzing noise from Julien's throne and is seen shuddering violently] Okay, why is he just standing there?

Skipper

YOU MANIAC! YOU LET HIM GO TOO FAR!! He's built up too much psychotic pressure!

Julien

Too much... what?

Private

Don't you see? RICO IS THE DESTRUCTO MACHINE!!