Penguin quotes from The New Batman Adventures

Penguin

What's the scheme this time, Joker?

The Joker

No scheme at all, old bird. I'm free, I'm rich and I'm lovin' i. I'm sure old Batboy is eating his heart out. [laughs]

Penguin

Living well is the best revenge.

Should have used more makeup, Ernie.

Why the disguise, Ernie? Where is he?

Ernie

I dunno what you're talking about.

Penguin

He can't threaten my guests.

Let me jog your memory.

Penguin

This isn't a movie, you know. I'm a legitimate businessman now. I don't want to draw attention to myself. I can't afford to have my associates getting Batman all excited.

Roxy Rocket

But he loved it. I know he lives for the chase, and I was the best he ever had.

Penguin

Ever been pursued by a bird of prey?

Roxy Rocket

Sorry, Pengy. Some things are just too scary, even for me.

Penguin

You practically threw yourself into Batman's hands. If he catches you, what's to prevent him from making the connection to ME?! You would've put my whole operation at risk!

Roxy Rocket

Relax, Pengy. First, he's not gonna catch me. And second, I'm not a pigeon - I won't squawk.

Penguin

I've seen him crack tougher eggs than you. I'm sorry, my dear - I just can't take that chance. [aims his umbrella at her]

Roxy Rocket

What's this?

Penguin

I assure you, it's not filled with birdseed.

Penguin

(notices Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy and Livewire bickering) Ladies, Ladies, please. I run a respectable club here.

Livewire

No one's talking to you, lard butt!

Penguin

(Sneering with indignation) That's it! Out you three pixies go!

Livewire

This could be fun after all...

Penguin

[on the phone] That's right, I need chainsaws, dumptrucks, hedge clippers, and a bottle of aspirin down here, NOW! [groans]

Penguin

We're closed. Besides, you aren't even old enough to come in here.

Supergirl

Wanna see my I.D.?

Penguin

No! I want Batman, Superman, or someone who can do something!

Batgirl

Like it or not, we're all you've got. You either play with us, or give up the game.

Penguin

Oh, all right. Not that I know anything, mind you.

Batgirl

[smirking] Of course not.

Penguin

But I do hear rumours, about where our little green vixen and her jaded jester may be hiding...

Penguin

50,000 dollars for the diamond. Not a penny more.

Killer Croc

That's robbery! That rock's worth ten times that much!

Penguin

Don't forget, as a legitimate businessman, I have my expenses too: taxes, overhead, labor.

Two-Face

And they call me two-faced.

Is there no honour among thieves, Mr. Cobblepot? And you're worse than a thief. Trafficking in stolen goods.

Penguin

I don't know who you are, sir, but I assure you, all my transactions were legitimate. You see, I had no actual knowledge that the items were stolen. Given that, I don't see how the law can touch me.

[draws sword) I am the law. And I find you guilty!

The Penguin

Even if I did know where to find the Mad Hatter, I'm no stool pigeon. Why should I tell you?

A man's life is in danger. Isn't that enough?

The Penguin

You're breaking my heart.

[Whispers] Kick over the desk. [Superman looks uncertain, hesitating] Just do it!

[Kicks the desk over and into the wall] I won't ask twice.

The Penguin

All right, no need to get your feathers ruffled. It happens our capped compadre is attending a meeting of notable ne'er-do-wells. They're hatching a plot to capitalize on your... purported disappearance.

[Lifts him of the ground by his collar] Where?

Now he's gettin' it.