Niles quotes from The Nanny

Sylvia

I'm gonna call Morty and tell him to bring my nightgown. I'm sleeping over.

Niles

Is that really necessary?

Sylvia

Well, I could sleep in the nude. But there's the boy.

Do you think I'm uptight?

Niles

Nope!

I won't fire you.

Niles

Yup!

Maggie

I am so nervous about my new boyfriend coming over for dinner tonight.

Niles

Why? Because you have to prepare the chateaubriand, polish the silver and comb the fringe around the area rugs?

Maggie

No, you do that.

Niles

Then chill out, girlie.

Niles

Do you want to have a baby or not?

Well, after thinking about it... Yes, of course I want to have a baby with Fran because I love her.

Niles

Well, I'd better overhear you telling her this soon, mister, because I'm not getting any younger!

Brighton

Niles, do you know what Mom and Dad have been up to?

Niles

Um... They're trying to co-produce a new project.

Grace

How? Dad's gonna let Fran handle his business?

Niles

[After a long pause] Eat your eggs.

Fran

[About her cold] My ears are so blocked I can't even hear myself.

Niles

Lucky you.

Fran

This is my first Thanksgiving where I'm eating for two.

Niles

You know, Sylvia, if you stop now, you can say the same.

Niles

I'd love to lose more weight but nothing seems to kill my appetite.

Sylvia

Do what I did. I just looked at myself stark naked—

Niles

Thank you. That'll kill it.

Fran

Niles, how am I ever going to tell Maxwell that my parents are staying here?

Niles

Quickly and without the negligee.

Fran

Maybe I shouldn't tell him at all. How long will it be before he notices?

Niles

Not long. He'll see her here for breakfast. He'll see her here for lunch. He'll see her here for dinner.

Fran

So I figure I've got at least 6 months?

C. C.

I have to call the agency. None of these models they submitted are right for our poster.

Niles

You know, sir, if you need an attractive photogenic man, on camera I can pass for—

Hume Cronyn?

Niles, thank you for your offer but this poster really needs to sell our new show. Someone virile with huge masculinity...

Niles

[Points to C.C.] Well, there's your man.

Niles

What is the one thing that separates me from all the successful people in this world?

Fran

Success?

Fran

Are you telling me that all those years that you put dishwater in her coffee and changed her lip balm for glue stick and called her a cow, you were flirting?!!

Niles

What, no good?

Fran

Niles, why don't you just tell her how you feel?

Niles

Oh, God, no! Not until I have a successful career, a substantial income, a home.

Fran

Oh, God...

Niles

What?

Fran

She's never gonna know!

[About Fran and her pregnancy] Ever since she entered her third trimester, her mood swings have been lethal.

Niles

Oh, I know. It's worse than when Sylvia gave up chocolate. That was the most unbearable hour of my life.