Wayne Rigsby quotes from The Mentalist

Jane

Look what I found.

Lisbon

What is it?

Jane

It's a worm, fossilized worm.

Lisbon

I'm happy for you.

Cho

Alright, this is it. This is the spot.

Rigsby

11:04 and change. Right on time.

Lisbon

For what?

Cho

There's still 15 seconds to go.

Jane

You know, when this worm was alive, this whole desert was the floor of a great sea. There were dinosaurs swimming above us.

Rigsby

That is kind of awesome.

Jane

Yeah.

Jane

Sharks the size of buses, brilliantly colored sea monsters. Those mountains, they would have been volcanoes.

Cho

This is a goat turd about six months old.

Rigsby

He's lying.

Jane

Is he?

Rigsby

Given that the girl he dragged in is not actually a bag of spuds like he says, then yeah.

Jane

It's not lying if he believes it.

Rigsby

True.

Cho

Yeah, you took down a 100-pound woman. Put in that context, you did good.

Rigsby

What do you mean, in that context?

Lisbon

In the context of someone letting himself get hypnotized, nearly throwing his colleague off a building and then finally being able to overpower a small, crazy woman to retrieve the situation, you did good.

Rigsby

Oh, I've been hypnotized, have I? You gonna make me do embarrassing things? Pretend I'm Tina Turner or something?

Jane

You wanna be like Tina Turner?

Lisbon

This case is closed. You're just seeing suggestion everywhere, Jane. You're too suggestible.

Jane

Hmm.

Lisbon

Oh, right. Too much of a control freak for that?

Rigsby

Pot, meet kettle. Kettle, pot. [Lisbon gives him a look]

Jane

Coward.

Rigsby

What?

Jane

You honestly don't remember it?

Rigsby

Don't remember what?

Cho

He remembers.

Lisbon

He so remembers.

Rigsby

What?

Jane

It'll come to you.

Rigsby

Teenagers. I hate questioning teenagers. It's like talking to mud.

Jane

You need some love in your heart.

Rigsby

Oh, is that my problem.

Jane

Yeah, it is.

Jane

Do I detect a slight residue of grumpiness in you demeanor?

Lisbon

No.

Jane

I swear to you, Lisbon, your gift is on its way.

Lisbon

I am not grumpy and I don't give a damn about your supposed gift.

Jane

[To Rigsby] She's still grumpy with me, isn't she?

Rigsby

Not touching that.

Rigsby

Be fair. Not all the Doctors are cold and creepy.

Jane

First day in Medical School they get a stack of books and a dead human being. That, I'm afraid, would change you. Brooke Harper was warm and emotional.

Lisbon

You like her so she can't be a Doctor.

Jane

Pretty much.

Rigsby

I hate the woods.

Cho

Would you rather be playing desk jockey with Van Pelt right now?

Rigsby

Who sends their kids to a place like this? It's not cheap either.

Cho

A little deprivation and discipline is good for the soul.

Rigsby

Yeah, but this is like a juvie prison camp.

Cho

No. This is like spring break in Cancun compared to juvie.

Rigsby

Wait, you were in juvenile hall? Seriously?

Cho

Yeah, didn't you read my file?

Rigsby

No. Wait, did you read mine?

Cho

Of course.

Cho

Yeah, the door was open.

Rigsby

Uh, no, it wasn't.

Jane

AHA! Of course.

Cho

What?

Jane

Rigsby, you're right. You shouldn't be here. Let us take this. You go find the nearest library.

Rigsby

Why?

Jane

Your punishment for being a wuss is I'm not gonna tell you.

Rigsby

Oh, come on.

Jane

Nope, I'm not gonna tell you.

Rigsby

You have any plans for tonight?

Grace

Home. TV.

Rigsby

Well...have fun.

Grace

You too. [Leaves the room]

Cho

[to Rigsby] You're gonna die alone.

Rigsby

[On entering the lawyer's office] Jimmy marks on the door knob.

Cho

I doubt that was part of the original décor.

Cho

Talked to Van Pelt recently?

Rigsby

Yep.

Cho

Any progress?

Rigsby

Nope.

Rigsby

There's a man there. I think she's, you know...

Cho

Banging a homeless guy.

Rigsby

No! A volunteer. A chef. And she's not — I don't know.. not yet... maybe... I think... I don't... no.

Cho

Dude, you need counseling.