Wayne Rigsby quotes from The Mentalist

I gave this unit a direct written order and they have flagrantly disobeyed that order. Did they do that with your knowledge?

Lisbon

I ordered them to do it. I told them you countermanded your earlier order. They had no knowledge whatsoever that they were doing anything irregular.

Nice try, Mother Teresa. But they already gave themselves up.

Rigsby

We never said a word-

Grace

Witchcraft creeps me out.

Rigsby

It doesn't bother me. Nerds in cloaks.

Grace

There's more to it than that.

Rigsby

It's just a silly alternative lifestyle, like Star Trek or yoga.

Grace

I do yoga.

I chose to resign.

Rigsby

With a promise to take anger management class.

Forty-six hours worth. Bored the rage right out of me.

Rigsby

[holding a bag of carrots] What is this?

Grace

That is healthy and nutritious snacking.

Rigsby

I'm gonna die.

Rigsby

You better call Lisbon, give her an update.

Jane

You call her.

Rigsby

I can't. I'm driving. Cho?

Cho

No way.

Jane

Oh, come on, guys. I just robbed a Russian mobster. You can't call Lisbon?

Grace

What was she thinking? She was so beautiful and he's so creepy.

Rigsby

Yeah, Dr. Rubenstein was hot, too. How does he do it?

Jane

All you need is a basic understanding of the evolutionary psychology of women. Rigorously and fearlessly applied. You get to know what buttons to press.

Lisbon

Like we're toasters?

Grace

Like men don't have buttons, too?

Jane

Men are like toasters. Women...little more like accordions.

Jane

I do hate when people say thank you.

Rigsby

Why?

Lisbon

He likes to play the Lone Ranger. Who was that masked man? I never got the chance to thank him.

Jane

Exactly.

Rigsby

You think about older women?

Cho

Where's this coming from? I don't think about older women. My mother's an older woman.

Rigsby

Not old, old. Just older, you know, older than you.

Cho

Why are you asking? You're not trying to set me up with somebody, are you?

Rigsby

Poison and a message in lipstick says this murder was done by a woman. Women have no secrets from other women.

Jane

Well, unless it was a cunning man posing as a woman.

Rigsby

What you think?

Jane

No.

Cho

Judge's clerk says we won't get a search warrant for Scarlett's safe until tomorrow morning, then we'll go in and tear the place apart. [Rigsby gives him a look to remind him that Asra is present] Oh, sorry.

Rigsby

You didn't hear that, it's confidential.

Confidential? Oh, of course.

Rigsby

Now seriously, don't tell anyone. Okay?

I understand. May I leave now?

Rigsby

Yeah, 'course.

Rigsby

[walks over to Cho] Not bad. Delivery's a little wooden.

Cho

Wooden? Me? Yeah, and you're Marlon Brando.

Cho

What's in the sandwiches?

Rigsby

It's a panini, if you don't mind. It's, er, ham and cheese.

Cho

[as Rigsby takes a bite] And who knows what else?

Rigsby

Who kissed her?

Jane

Didn't catch his name.

Rigsby

It's probably that knucklehead from payroll. He's been stalking her like a chicken. What did this man look like?

Cho

How do you stalk a chicken?

Rigsby

You know what I'm talking about.

Rigsby

Jane, I need to ask you a favor. I need you to, uh...I need you to find out from Van Pelt about this guy she's dating. You know, what's the score?

Jane

The score?

Rigsby

Is it serious? Are they, uh, you know?

Jane

Ask her yourself.

Rigsby

Yeah, right. No. Come on. You know the situation. It's against the rules, relationships between coworkers.

Jane

What are you, a man or a mouse?

Rigsby

A man, obviously.

Jane

Could've fooled me.

Rigsby

If it's that guy from payroll, I will kill him.

Jane

Well, that would be a strong, romantic statement. Women like a man that would kill for them. Hey, Van Pelt!

Rigsby

Don't!

Jane

Grace, personal question. Rigsby and I were wondering, uh...who is this man you were kissing by the coffee cart?

Grace

That's...that's none of your business.

Jane

Not from payroll?

Grace

Payroll? No, he doesn't even work here. It's none of your business.

Jane

Well, thank heavens for that, at least. No killing needed.

Rigsby

Don't be so sure.

Jane

You'll see. Honesty's best.

Rigsby

Yeah, honestly, I'd like to kick your butt right now.

Lisbon

Any word on Skelling?

Rigsby

Couple potential sightings in the Mount Whitney area. Locals and park services are all over it. We'll get him

Jane

I doubt it. Skelling's in his element up there. His survivalist fantasy come true. He's gone aground like a grizzly bear.