Teresa Lisbon quotes from The Mentalist

Jane

Two years ago, I hired a petty thief to break into LaRoche's safe for a list of Red John suspects.

Lisbon

Yeah, I know. I had to slug the guy in front of his lawyer to keep you out of jail. Cost me six months in anger management.

Jane

Yeah, and I hope you learned something. [Lisbon hits him]

Lisbon

What if he's right? What if Red John really does have powers?

Jane

Please. A-and what if dolphins were actually aliens from another galaxy? That would be kind of cool.

Lisbon

Where were you the night before last?

Oh, I was far away, communing with the spirits. Where were you? Let me see. Lying in bed, thinking of Patrick. You're a little in love with him, eh? But he's so secretive and controlling. That's hard, isn't it?

Lisbon

(about Jane's suspect list) Are these people I know well?

Jane

Very well.

Lisbon

J.J. LaRoche?

Jane

No.

Lisbon

Ardiles?

Jane

Hmm. Interesting guess. No.

Lisbon

Would you tell me if I guess right?

Jane

Nope.

Lisbon

You're killing me.

Jane

(at the crime scene) This is Red John.

Lisbon

How can you tell?

Jane

Because when it's him, I can feel it.

Teresa Lisbon

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Patrick Jane

No. You're thinking that if Bertram is Red John, he sent us out to the middle of nowhere for a reason. To get us out of the way for when he makes his next move. I am thinking about... trains. Toot toot!

My gosh. I mean, I always knew I had a psychic gift, but this is damn spooky.

Jane

Psychic gift? Excellent. Tell me, uh, will I enjoy your eggs?

You betcha.

Jane

We'll see.

Jane

Mmm. You're right, Sonya. These are enjoyable eggs. Room for improvement, but very enjoyable. Good.

Lisbon

What are we doing, Jane?

Jane

I'm eating eggs; you're staring at a dry muffin.

Help me, Lisbon. There are national security issues at play. Jane won't work with us unless we meet his demands.

Lisbon

He has too much pride to back down. You gotta to give him a win. Meet one of his demands.

One of his demands is you.

Lisbon

Well, meet another one.

Lisbon

Why are you being so stubborn? The F.B.I. is offering you a get-out-of-jail-free card.

Jane

Well, you make that sound like a good thing.

Lisbon

Isn't it?

Jane

Not on their terms. If I can't live on my terms, I'm in prison anyway.

Jane

[surveying the FBI offices] Hmm. I don't see a couch anywhere.

Lisbon

Don't start trouble. At least not yet.

Lisbon

You ran away again, Jane. Not from the F.B.I. - you ran away from me.

Jane

Yeah, but I ran back.

Lisbon

How was I supposed to know? I thought you were gone again forever.

Jane

Okay, you're right. I-I'm sorry, Lisbon. I... I didn't think about you.

Lisbon

Well, you rarely do.

Jane

Well that's not true! I made you one of my demands. I'm—I'm not joining the F.B.I. unless they make you a job offer.

Lisbon

That's my point. What makes you think I want to work with you again? You are difficult and exhausting, and maybe I don't want to put the rest of my life on hold to be your sidekick. Have you ever even thought about that?

Jane

No... no. I hadn't considered it.

Lisbon

I got you something.

Jane

For me?

Lisbon

Mm-hmm.

Jane

[moved] You got me socks!

Lisbon

Handmade in Washington.

Jane

Aww!

Lisbon

[sighing] This room makes me feel like I'm in an aquarium, and everyone's looking at me.

Jane

Mm. Well, you could very easily feel like they're all in the aquarium and you're looking at them.

Lisbon

What are you doing?

Jane

I'm following the conversation. The G-man says that I don't have adequate security clearance to work on the Whitaker case, and Fischer is arguing.

Lisbon

Are you reading their lips?

Jane

I would be if I didn't have to answer inane questions.

Lisbon

Oh, okay, boss.

Jane

I'm not your boss. Why would you say that?

Lisbon

It's just that sometimes now you act like you are.

Jane

But we're equals, partners.

Lisbon

Okay, fine. Just remember that.

Jane

I will remember that.

Jane

They'll try again. They just need to be lulled into a false sense of security.

And how do we lull them like that?

Jane

We need to arrest someone else and charge them with Whitaker's murder.

We can't arrest people under false pretenses.

Jane

We can't?

[in unison] No.

Jane

Why not?

It's illegal.

Jane

Oh. Well, that's a problem. I guess we need to think outside of the box.

Lisbon

That's always a bad sign.

They've done about six jobs between Dallas and Phoenix in the last two years, taken down about $100 million worth in art and artifacts.

Lisbon

We're in the wrong business.