Teresa Lisbon quotes from The Mentalist

Jane

Be reasonable. This is my case.

Lisbon

Your case?

Jane

Red John's mine.

Lisbon

Red John doesn't belong to anyone.

Jane

He belongs to me.

Lisbon

If it wasn't him, then who was it? And if you say a man who likes red hair and silver duct tape, I'll scream.

Patrick

I don't want you to scream.

Jane

I made a booking for two for this afternoon. Could you put us on the terrace? It's more romantic. Thanks... Yeah, Patrick... Lovely. See you then. [To Lisbon] Don't fret, I wouldn't seduce you over a meal. That'd be very sophomoric.

Lisbon

I didn't think you were trying to seduce me.

Jane

Come on, how could that thought not have entered your head?

Jane

Your denial that it did intrigues me.

Lisbon

Bite me.

Lisbon

That was funny, the way she gave him up so easily like that?

Jane

Yeah, it was. But you were right, huh? Secret lover. Guess I was wrong about the whole red-hair-and-duct-tape thing.

Lisbon

You hypnotized her, didn't you?

Jane

I certainly did not. [Lisbon just stares at him] Okay, no. Yes, I did hypnotize her, but--

Lisbon

But nothing. It's unprofessional and it's illegal. It's totally out of bounds.

Cho

That's what I told him.

Jane

I was gonna say you had nothing to do with it, but hey.

Lisbon

[Cho]if you allow him to pull that stuff again, and you'll be showing visitors around the statehouse in a stupid hat.

Lisbon

Everything's funny.

Jane

Well, if you try. I mean, come on. That was pretty funny. Strange though. I was sure the Chef would bite. I mean, there's still a chance he could show up.

Lisbon

The chef? Malcolm? Why do you think it's him?

Jane

He uses way too much butter.

Lisbon

Say--?

Jane

He's a gluttonous baby. He's self indulgent. He wants what he wants and takes it.

Lisbon

Too much butter.

Jane

Yeah.

Lisbon

It's fascinating, the way your mind works.

Grace

It's gotta be tough.

Lisbon

What?

Grace

I mean, a drunk driver. Isn't that what happened to your mother? [Lisbon stares at her] Sorry. It's not my business.

Lisbon

We don't discuss our personal lives in this unit. It's not useful and it's not professional.

Jane

He's not gonna confess.

Lisbon

What'd you think, he'd break under the bad lighting conditions?

Lisbon

You have good kids.

Yeah, I do.

Lisbon

You're all they have.

Yeah, I know.

Lisbon

Be good to them.

I am good to them.

Lisbon

My father was a good man, just like you are. And after my mother died... he was a self-pitying drunk, just like you are. He killed himself. Damn near killed me and my brothers too. Get some help. Your kids deserve it. So do you.

I guess, uh, you must be bad cop.

Lisbon

I try.

You couldn't just give Kurtik a stern talking to instead?

Lisbon

What about Christine Tanner, sir? If Kurtik was having sex with her, that gives him motive to kill.

If! And that's a hunch. Based on rockabilly.

Lisbon

It's a Jane hunch, you keep him around for a reason.

What were you thinking? Leaving this man alone at an event like that?

Lisbon

No excuses, I mistakenly treated him like a responsible adult.

Lisbon

You're not soft on her, are you?

Jane

No...maybe a little. We need to talk to the lawyer--

Lisbon

Bennett. We need to talk to him. You need to stay well away. Did you say maybe a little?

Jane

She's a gorgeous grieving widow. Of course maybe a little. [Lisbon stares at him] Don't worry, it's not gonna affect my work. I'm a law-enforcement professional. Jeez.

Jane

[talking about Jason Sands] He's still here.

Not unless he's invisible. He's not, Agent Jane.

Lisbon

He's not an agent. He's a consultant.

Jane

No badge. No gun. [Whispering] They don't even give me dental.

Oh, yeah. You're the one they were telling me about, the psychic. Sorry, Gandalf. In our own bumbling way, we did look around pretty good. He's not here.

Lisbon

Hey, can you believe he fell for that old cell-phone gag?

Patrick

Old cell-phone gag? I invented that right there and then. Rather brilliantly, I thought.

Lisbon

Oh, please. I've seen that done a dozen times.

Jane

What do you mean? Where?

Lisbon

On TV.

Jane

Oh, on TV. Well, anything can happen on TV. The question is, where have you seen that done in real life?

Lisbon

Okay. Good. Listen, tell Rigsby, Teresa needs his help. [Jane gets her message and looks worried] Me? I'm at the Eagle Pine Lodge off Route 6.

Jane

Okay.

Lisbon

Kyle, let's stay calm and think this through.

Think what through?

Lisbon

I really don't wanna shoot you, but I do have to take you into custody for killing Kara Palmer. What are we gonna do about that?