Teresa Lisbon quotes from The Mentalist

Lisbon

[Answering her phone] Where the hell are you?

Jane

Nicole remembered everything. She can describe the suspect. We're looking for a tall, well-built man with brown hair and glasses. Mid-thirties.

Lisbon

That's it? That describes half the men in California.

Jane

Yeah, that's it. But at least we know it wasn't her that killed Kara. And it wasn't Rulon Farnes.

Lisbon

Nice work. For this you illegally abducted her from the sheriff's custody?

Jane

Yeah, I was gonna tell you about it, but seeing that it's illegal, best to keep you out of it so you have deniability.

Lisbon

How considerate of you.

Jane

Oh, let him go.

Lisbon

Let him go?

Cho

What for?

Rigsby

We had to fight to catch him.

Jane

Oh, you're such policemen. Yes, let him go.

Lisbon

Bad karma doesn't have an expiration date.

Jane

Uh, actually it does. According to traditional Buddhist teachings. I'm counting on it.

Jane

You guys are gonna be going over a punch of boring files now, I expect. So I think I'll work here, play a little, get the lay of the land. Give me a hundred bucks?

Lisbon

I don't think that's such a good idea.

Jane

Sure you do. I'll give it back to you double.

Lisbon

Look, here's a hundred, but you'll pay me back double, right?

Jane

Triple.

Lisbon

Did your wife have anything to do with this?

Daniel

No. No. She had nothing to do with this. And the idiot never suspected it was me. How's that for denial? How did you know it was me?

Jane

Well, when we first met, you were more concerned about the college football scores than you were your father-in-law's murder.

Daniel

So?

Jane

So when you're searching for a killer, the degenerate gambler in the room is a good person to look at.

Daniel

I'm not degenerate. I'm a professional. I'm just having a streak of bad luck.

Lisbon

Yes, you are.

Lisbon

Play nice, Van Pelt's entitled to her opinion.

Jane

Not if it's wrong. This is like believing in the Easter Bunny.

Rigsby

Who said there's no Easter Bunny?

Cho

They think you killed their mother.

Well, they don't know anything about me. I loved her.

Lisbon

Of course you did. That's why you gave Rosemary's necklace to your hot new girlfriend.

Well, it's no good to Rosemary, is it? So shoot me, I'm a pragmatist.

Lisbon

That's a good word.

Jane

If anyone needs arresting, it's Kristina Frye. She knew that Rosemary was in danger. She knew where to find the car, the murder weapon, which means that she either does have supernatural powers or she was involved in the crime.

Lisbon

Come on. She simply did what you do so well. With an air of confidence, she made an educated guess. Where else would you dump a car around here? She's a good guesser.

Jane

Well, I guess that's a possibility, too.

Lisbon

Yes, and that's what you object to, isn't it? Not that she's a con artist but that she's so good at it. Maybe even better than you.

Jane

Not at all. I... All right, yes. Not better than me, mind you, but she is good, and it's the good ones that are the most dangerous.

Jane

Where're we going?

Lisbon

To the zoo. They have new tiger cubs.

Jane

Oh. Liar.

Lisbon

Oh, very good.

Lisbon

You okay?

Jane

Assault, assault!

Lisbon

I would rethink this new technique of yours.

Jane

[Holding his nose] Yeah. Yeah, I can't disagree.

Jane

It's funny what bad liars cops are. I guess they're not used to concealing themselves under questioning.

Lisbon

I'm a cop and I lie to you all the time, you never catch it.

Jane

I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but you're translucent, my dear. I always know when you're lying. Sometimes I let you think you've fooled me just so you don't feel bad.

Lisbon

Name one time.

Jane

Last thanksgiving you said you were going back East to your brother's house, but I knew you actually planned to have three days at home alone to watch old movies and eat ice cream.

Lisbon

Okay, so that's one time.

Jane

He's not gonna talk. Poor soul.

Lisbon

He made his bed. He can lie in it.

Jane

You know, I never understood that one. Just because someone makes their bed, why do they have to lie in it? What's to stop them from lying in another bed? Or on the floor for that matter.

Lisbon

When are you gonna learn to cool it without being told?

Jane

Oh, come on. They pissed you off, too, the sexist pigs.

Lisbon

They were.

Jane

I just said they were.

Lisbon

You were saying it ironically.

Lisbon

Is this the only .38 in your possession?

Yes it is. [To Jane] And if you try to hold my hand again I'm gonna tear your arm off and beat you unconscious with it. Get me?

Jane

Got you.

Jane

We've never discussed this because I thought it went without saying, but when I catch Red John, I'm gonna cut him open and watch him die slowly like he did with my wife and child. [Lisbon just stares at him quietly] If you have a problem with that, we should talk.

Lisbon

Then let's talk. Because when we catch Red John, we are gonna take him into custody and he's gonna be tried in a court of law.

Jane

Not if I'm still breathing.

Lisbon

If you try and do violence to him, I will try and stop you. If you succeed in doing violence to him, I will arrest you.

Jane

I understand.

Lisbon

I hope so.

Jane

Well, I'm glad we talked. I had no idea you were so bourgeois and conventional on the issue.