Teresa Lisbon quotes from The Mentalist

Lisbon

What are you looking for?

Jane

The dirt under his nails smelled like rosemary. [finds a planter of rosemary which fits a jewelry box found at the scene] Whatever was inside this box killed our man.

Lisbon

Well. The case is practically closed.

Jane

There's no reason to be snarky.

Jane

Catching killers I enjoy, but being reminded that we're just a cog in a petty, fascist machine? That is a little depressing.

Lisbon

Crime fighting is hard. Suck it up.

Jane

I'm going into the Drapers' lair.

Lisbon

That's not a lair, it's an office, and no you're not.

Jane

Oh yes I am. Listen, I'm a little scared, you wouldn't want me to get hurt would you?

Lisbon

Don't bet on it. Why the Drapers?

Jane

A hunch. They're key in this somehow.

Lisbon

You think they hired Silva?

Jane

Well, they certainly look the part.

Lisbon

Why the hell didn't you call Cho?

Jane

You were closer.

Lisbon

Call Cho. I'm not even armed.

Jane

More lies! You have at least two guns in that car. Three?! You're the poster girl for the NRA.

Jane

Well, we caught the bad guy.

Lisbon

Yes, we did.

Jane

Most days that's enough.

Lisbon

Yep.

Jane

You want to go to the range and shoot something?

Lisbon

I'll drive.

Rigsby

[referring to the floor safe] That's a high-end sensor lock. That's going to be tough to bust into.

Cho

I'll call tech services, tell them we need a locksmith.

Lisbon

[looking under the bed] Don't bother. I found the key.

Rigsby

This type of safe doesn't use a key.

Lisbon

[holds up severed index finger] Oh yes it does.

Lisbon

The brass and media are going to be all over this like suckerfish.

Jane

Well why don't we just give it to the FBI? They love that stuff.

Lisbon

Oh, I wish. It's too late. The new boss is here doing on-cameras. It's our baby.

Jane

The new boss? I thought Hightower was boss.

Lisbon

The boss of Hightower? The director of the entire division. I told you about it last week. Your memory's going.

Jane

My memory is a mighty fortress, Lisbon, from which no fact ever escapes once committed. Now when you tell me boring things, I set them free immediately. It saves overcrowding.

Jane

Really, I'm impressed. You played me like a fish and you lied to me.

Lisbon

I kind of did, didn't I?

Jane

I'm glad to see you're learning a few things. Of course, now I shall have my revenge.

Lisbon

What did you tell her?

Jane

I was complimenting her on her jacket. It's a vivid color.

Lisbon

Liar.

Jane

You're going to call me a liar?

Lisbon

Oh, I hate you. I do.

Lisbon

You're isolating yourself. You're pulling away from us, from me and the team. You are. You are and it's not good. What's going on?

Jane

Anybody that gets close to me, bad things happen to them.

Lisbon

A: That's not true, and B: Even if that were true, I'm a cop. It's our job to be in harm's way.

Jane

You're not listening to me.

Lisbon

We're family. What you're doing is a kind of betrayal, a surrender, a defeat. You're letting Red John win.

Jane

Oh, please. Please. Really? Okay, enough. No more pulling away. Give me a hug.

Lisbon

You don't mean it. I can tell.

Jane

What do you mean you can tell. You can't tell. I don't mean it, but you can't tell that I don't. You're guessing!

Lisbon

Yes, I can tell.

Jane

How?

Lisbon

I don't know. I can tell when you're lying now.

Jane

No you can't tell!

Lisbon

I can too!

Jane

That's nonsense. You're lying. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Lisbon

I didn't know your wife was from this world, too.

Jane

Oh yeah. Her grandparents are carnie royalty. They ran big metal: Ferris wheels, ghost trains. They ran them all across the midwest. My wife, she didn't want to have any part of it.

Lisbon

Why?

Jane

Carnies are good people, but you're either with the show or you're not. There's nowhere in the middle, and if you're not with the show, you're a mark. You're a sucker. She didn't like that.

Lisbon

[knocks] Jane! It's me.

Jane

[opens a side door, surprising Lisbon] Hey, Lisbon. Excellent work finding us.

Lisbon

I am very unhappy with you. Is he in there?

Jane

Yep.

Lisbon

Bring him out. No funny business or I will shoot to kill.

Jane

You're very persuasive. We'll be right out.

Lisbon

We're with the CBI. What's going on here?

[motions to couple on underside of a bridge] They were up there when we arrived. Gotta tell you, it looks like an attempted assault. He's going to reach her soon. We're going to have to shoot to stop him.

Jane

If you shoot him you'll have two victims. She just went up there to see about jumping. He's trying to save her. Can I use that? [takes bull horn from deputy] Uh, Betsy? If you're going to jump, make sure to dive. Head first.

Hey!

Lisbon

Jane.

Jane

From that height you'll just shatter bones and suffer massive internal injuries. Make sure you dive. Head first.

Jane

Why does horse manure smell so good?

Lisbon

It doesn't.

Jane

Judge Fitzwilliam will change her tune once I reveal her daughter's killer, won't she?

I don't imagine she will. When are you planning on doing that?

Jane

This very evening.

This very night?

Jane

But you have to trust me.

Lisbon

Right, and what if you're wrong again?

Jane

Well, if I'm wrong then we're in deep trouble, but what are the chances, really, of me being wrong twice in a row. Think about that one. Of course, if either of you have a better idea how to find Abby's body and catch her killer, please: these are not taxi doors, they're ears.

Jane

[whispers] This isn't going to work unless you're quiet.

Lisbon

[whispers] I can't keep quiet. My legs are asleep. [squirms]

Jane

What do you mean your legs are asleep? Lets don't sleep. That's absurd. Don't say that.