Teresa Lisbon quotes from The Mentalist

Jane

Timpani!

Lisbon

No.

Is he sniffing her?

Lisbon

Yes.

You pay him to sniff people?

[To Wilson] These people will be leaving now.

Jane

I like the way you say that. Melba-like-the-toast. So tough and command. Let me tell you something. We are state law enforcement. And we leave when we want to leave.

Lisbon

Thanks for your time.

Jane

She wants to leave. See ya.

Rigsby

So, uh, guys. I have something to say.

Grace

We have something to say.

Rigsby

Uh, life's too short for dishonest. Van P... Grace and I are... lovers.

Lisbon

No you're not.

Grace

Um, yes we are.

Jane

Well, it's a big secret, well kept.

Rigsby

Maybe you knew, but nobody else did.

Cho

I knew. Half the building knows.

Rigsby

They do not!

Cho

Yes they do.

Jane

The only person who didn't know is glaring at you right now.

Lisbon

And now I have to do something about it.

Cho

What are you gonna do?

Jane

Yeah, what are you gonna do?

Lisbon

Thinking.

Lisbon

He's got everything he wanted since he was thirty.

Jane

Not you.

Lisbon

Okay, I am not jealous and resentful. That is nonsense.

Jane

Yet you recall my exact words. There's no shame in it. I feel that way too sometimes. Why does everyone else get to have a normal life?

Lisbon

My life is fine.

Jane

Normally you rise above such craven emotions but in this case your hands were tied. It's the rules. You're forced to do what your worst self is telling you to do anyway. Hence your tension headache.

Lisbon

I don't... (Jane gives her a look) All right. I do have a headache, but it's a coincidence.

Jane

Nah.

Lisbon

Either I obey the rules or I risk taking big heat for ignoring them. This is on Van Pelt and Rigsby, not me.

Jane

Whatever you say.

Lisbon

Jeff Sparhawk has no alibi.

Jane

You can dispense the cop talk, Lisbon. You can tell me what's bothering you.

Lisbon

Nothing's bothering me.

Jane

Okay.

Lisbon

Nothing is bothering me.

Jane

I understand your position. There's no reason to beat yourself up about it.

Lisbon

What are you talking about?

Jane

Well, that you feel bad about Rigsby and Van Pelt.

Lisbon

No I don't.

Jane

Well, you can't help wondering if there's a hint of jealousy and resentment in your decision.

Lisbon

Excuse me?

Jane

Message received.

[sees Jane, who is reading on the couch] I thought he'd look scarier.

Lisbon

He's resting.

Lisbon

Where are my key?

Lisbon

You picked my pocket!

Jane

My turn to drive.

Lisbon

Jane!

Jane

Oh, don't be such an old lady. Get in. Your fears are groundless.

Lisbon

You're right. The car has airbags

Lisbon

It's okay. She's gone.

Jane

Who's gone?

Lisbon

Oh please, your guilty conscience is obvious and well deserved.

Jane

Man. Justice can be a harsh mistress.

Lisbon

Hey, Van Pelt. I need you to do background checks on Cliff Edmunds, Lilith Nash, Griffin Lattimer Welks, Julian Eric Tripp. I'm sending you their details now.

Rigsby

Anything we should be looking out for in particular?

Lisbon

Oh. One of them released a lethal super-virus that could kill half the state of California, so I guess we're looking for someone with a prior background of an evil supervillian.

Cho

Okay.

Lisbon

That last part was a joke.

Lisbon

I apologize for my colleague.

Jane

No, she doesn't! I retract that apology.

Lisbon

You know what made me feel better? Punching you in the nose.

Jane

[smiles] Glad to be of service.