Teresa Lisbon quotes from The Mentalist

Lisbon

Bite me. We're done for the night.

Jane

"Bite me"?

Lisbon

It's too much?

Jane

Uh, a smidge. It worked... fine, just a little over-the-top.

Jane

You killed Foster for an old key.

I wonder what it opens.

Jane

Oh, I know what it opens.

What?

Lisbon

He's just messing with you. He's mean like that.

Lisbon

So they let you out, then?

Jane

Yes, they did. Thank you very much.

Lisbon

Had nothing to do with me.

Jane

So modest.

Lisbon

Oh, right. Bosco's so in love with me that he'll do whatever I say.

Jane

Yes. Yeah. It's a little farfetched. He does love you. How could he not? But he's not the type to bend his principles over love. So I figure it's something more concrete. You must have something on him.

Lisbon

You think?

Jane

Yes. Something he did wrong. Something very bad that you know about. Now he's not the type to steal or do drugs, so my guess? He hurt someone. He killed him. A bad guy that he couldn't catch any other way.

Lisbon

No.

Jane

Yes and you helped him do it. No. You found out after the fact and you let him off the hook because the bad guy deserved it.

Lisbon

No.

Jane

I'm touched that you would risk your career over me. That means a lot to me.

Lisbon

If you're right, and I'm not saying you are, it would mean I broke the trust of somebody I trust and respect for your sake. If it is true, I would hope in the future you would be a little more mature and responsible in your behavior.

Jane

I'm grateful and all, but let's not go crazy here.

Lisbon

I should have let you rot in jail. [both smile]

I've got to get back to the Westlake's.

Lisbon

I'd like to come with, if that's all right. I'd like to ask the Westlake's some questions about the dead guy, see if there's a connection.

Okay.

Lisbon

[to Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt] Start digging on the Hangler case. Contact the family and set up an interview.

And I'd like to leave Hicks here to work with your team, if that's all right with you.

Lisbon

Okay.

Keep 'em honest.

Lisbon

Hey. Care to reframe that, Sam?

No. They're Jane's people. They need watching.

Lisbon

I like to think of them as my people.

Think what you like. I can't have them trying to pull some cheap stunt behind my back.

Jane

Well we have a whole range of expensive stunts if you don't like the cheap ones.

We came in hot because we thought the kidnap victim was there.

Mia...somebody?

Mia Westlake. Marin County heiress. She was taken a day and half ago. Witness gave us a partial plate on the kidnapper's car. We dug up an outstanding parking ticket to a car in Oakland. Checked the address. Found there were people inside a house that was supposed to be empty.

And he found you there because?

Lisbon

Ah, we got a call from the coroner's bureau. There was a report of a corpse in a house, but they were short handed. Budget cuts. So they asked us to go and check it out. My team went in the house, the corpse was there but the coroner wasn't. So we waited.

And everyone almost died in a hail of bullets.

Jane

She alright?

Lisbon

Yeah.

Thank God.

Jane

Well, thank kevlar actually.

Lisbon

Hush!

Jane

Morning, Rebecca. They look good. One of those for me? You know, it's all right to like me now. Your boss and I made up.

Lisbon

That's okay, Rebecca. I don't like him, either.

Jane

She's a liar. She loves me.

Lisbon

Yeah.... keep telling yourself that.

Lisbon

You lost a lot of blood. They don't think you're going to make it!

Then I have to say this! I love you, Theresa!

Lisbon

(blushes and whispers) I love you too!

(thinking that she thinks he means as friends) No, I LOVE you!

Lisbon

(starts crying as she squeezes) I know what you mean!

If I may say so, what I do very much resent is the tone of your questioning.

Lisbon

I'm sorry if we've offended you.

Jane

No, don't say that. This is a murder investigation. I can be as hard ass as I'd like to be. Thank you.

Lisbon

[quietly to Jane] Actually it's not a murder investigation yet. If Mr. Warren dies, which seems likely, it'll become a murder investigation.

Jane

Oh yeah, that's right. He's not dead. Uh... well I apologize for my rudeness. Heh.

Jane

I deduce from the irritated tone of your phone conversation that I was right about Carl Ward.

Lisbon

Half right.

Jane

Go on.

Lisbon

His real name is Carl Wazowski. He was in jail for kiting checks. He's got an ex-wife in Bayonne, New Jersey. She's owed $90,000 in back alimony.

Jane

Half?

Jane

It's funny, isn't it? The big regrets in life people keep to themselves.

Lisbon

I don't know. I tell people about you.

Jane

Nice one. A zinger. High and tight.

Cho

Where are you going?

Jane

Baseball academy I was thinking. Don't we have the Silvas thing?

Lisbon

Rigsby and Van Pelt are talking to the theater manager now.

Jane

Why? No, no. Wasn't her. Murder weapon was a baseball bat. Baseball bat. Baseball academy. Common sense.

Lisbon

Do you know who the killer is?

Jane

What do you think?

Lisbon

I think you said 'what do you think?' to make me think you do so I'll go with you, but really you don't.

Jane

[chuckles] Cho?

Cho

Baseball bat. Baseball academy. That's not common sense.

Jane

Great. We'll all go.

Jane

I've never caught a foul ball before.

Lisbon

Technically, you still haven't. Cho, you take him.

Cho

Yeah.

Jane

Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm fine.

Cho

How many fingers?

Jane

Six. Haven't we got a murder to solve?

Lisbon

You were unconscious.

Jane

No, I wasn't.

Cho

Jane, you were.

Jane

Was not. [at Lisbon] Your turn. Okay, I'll see a doctor. [Shouting at crime scene doctor] Uh, excuse me, doctor?

Mmm?

Jane

I know, a real, live patient. I'm excited, too.

Jane

Ah-ha!

Lisbon

Is that a useful ah-ha or an annoying ah-ha?

Lisbon

You go to hell. Take a toothbrush.

Jane

Which way is that? [Lisbon glares at him] I'll go.