Teresa Lisbon quotes from The Mentalist

Your finger print is on the magazine of the murder weapon. Tell me why I souldn't be throwing up in the bathroom right now?

Lisbon

It's a lab error. It must be. They're overworked and underfunded. This happened last year with the L.A.P.D. Just have them retest it. Come on! You don't think I did this?

What I think is, I'm up to my asterisk in political quicksand.

You know, for a cop, you made a very convincing lunatic. Jane must be proud.

Lisbon

Maybe it's not good police work, but I have to confess, I enjoyed it. Letting loose for once.

Look, I'm glad you got cleared.

Lisbon

I'm sorry that we couldn't let you in on the plan.

You could have, but you didn't.

Lisbon

I didn't even pull the trigger on Tanner, Jane did. You signed off on him after one session.

Dr. Carmen

He has good mental health.

Lisbon

Now I want to see your license to practice.

Lisbon

Why can't I remember?

Jane

It's interesting isn't it?

Lisbon

Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting.

Jane

Hmm.

Lisbon

[Voice starting to break] Well, you know, th- thanks for trying. You probably have, uh, somewhere you need to go, right?

Jane

Well, I'm not gonna give up that easily.

Lisbon

[Crying] I can count on you not to tell anybody about this, right? On the team?

Jane

Oh, Lisbon, hey.

Lisbon

Jane, I just need you to leave, okay? Could you please go.

Jane

All right. It's...it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be fine, all right? I promise.

Lisbon

I've got six open cases. I'm testifying in two more. I don't have time...

[interrupting] It's not as if you have anything to talk about. (Starts reading her file) Mom dead when you were 12. Three younger brothers. Abusive, alcoholic dad. Now dead also.

Lisbon

It doesn't say abusive.

[looks at her for a few seconds] But he was. Yes.

Lisbon

This coffee tastes like crap. Seriously.

Jane

What if something bad happened and you're blocking it out?

Lisbon

I didn't kill McTeer.

Jane

Well, let me hypnotize you so we can be sure.

Lisbon

No.

Jane

Why not?

Lisbon

Because I don't want you inside my head.

Jane

So you're going down the steps, relaxing with each step, and now you reach the bottom, the very last step, the ultimate place of calm. How are you feeling?

Lisbon

Good.

Jane

Good. You're going to remain in this relaxed trance state while we think about Tuesday night. But first, sometimes you dance to that Spice girls CD, don't you?

Lisbon

Yeah. [She smiles with her eyes closed and does a little jiggle in her chair, as if she's playing the music in her head]

Jane

I thought so. [He grins] Now, Tuesday. You can watch whole day like it's a movie. Every detail is in focus. You can zoom into any moment you want. You can fast forward, rewind. You are in total control. Okay?

Lisbon

Okay.

Jane

Good. What do you see?

Lisbon

I'm finishing up the Form 41s on the Milbank case. I feel... hungry, 'cause I skipped lunch. The new guy in the mail room is hot.

Jane

Is he?

Lisbon

Yeah.

Jane

[looks a bit put out] Let's fast forward a little. Later in the day, you're about to leave CBI.

Lisbon

Van Pelt's working late. She's a hard worker. She might do well, if she manages not to sleep with Rigsby.

Dr. Carmen

What do you do for fun?

Lisbon

Fun?!

Dr. Carmen

That thing when you're not working.

Lisbon

[about Nina Hodge] If she followed her husband before, she could have tailed him again and killed him.

Jane

No, she didn't do it. She loved him.

Lisbon

She was a prisoner of her husbands life. She gets rid of him, gets a fresh start.

Jane

People trapped in miserable lives, always talk about escaping. Few actually do it. It's easier just to close your eyes and pretend the misery doesn't exist.

Jane

You can buy logo merchandise, Sinner Saints coffee mugs, decals, beach towels. Whoa! And some various other interesting little knickknacks.

Lisbon

Nice.

Jane

Yeah. Well, if they do it, we should do it. A range of casual wear, maybe? Sensible shoes?

Lisbon

I'll get right on that.

Jane

[To himsel] Lisbon loafers.

Jane

Oh, it's lovely.

Lisbon

It's a crime scene.

Jane

It's a lovely crime scene.

Jane

Okay, I needed Lucas to see Felicia get arrested, you needed hard evidence to charge Felicia. So...I made it happen.

Lisbon

By making an innocent woman think she was going to prison? As if her life wasn't hard enough already.

Jane

Yes, you're right. She does deserve some justice.

Lisbon

It's good to see you care.

Jane

You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

Jane

What's up, my brothers?

Lisbon

[to Von McBride] We just have one quick follow-up question for you.

[sighs] I've exceeded my quota of answering cops' questions. [Points at Jane] And my quota of crazy.

(talking about Jane) What's this guy's problem?

Lisbon

That would take way too long to answer.

Lisbon

No, it doesn't, because ghosts don't exist.

Jane

They don't exist in your mind, but if you believe they exist, then, they exist.