Patrick Jane quotes from The Mentalist

Jane

I've a daughter that would be about your age if I hadn't caused her death... her and her mother.

How?

Jane

Out of arrogance... stupidity. I made an evil man very angry and he killed them to teach me a lesson. To make me sorry for what I've done... and I am sorry. Being sorry is far worse punishment than being dead, everybody dies... very few people ever feel truly sorry for the bad things they've done.

Jane

No such thing as psychic powers.

So what is it you do exactly?

Jane

You know rock paper scissors?

I do.

Jane

Play me. On three; one, two, three.

Grace

I don't get it. She actually enjoyed helping him kill. One crazy, evil person I understand, but two? Husband and wife? Marriage is suppose to be a sacred, loving thing.

Jane

Yeah, they were soulmates in their strange own way.

What we had... was special.

Jane

You made her feel like a captured princess instead of a small town choir nerd. And she made you feel like a dashing pirate instead of what you are... sort of a bad-tempered pharmacist.

Jane

You want symbolic? You're a hawk and Christine was a rabbit.

What does that even mean?

Jane

Bird of prey, rabbit. You tell me.

Jane

He's not gonna confess.

Lisbon

What'd you think, he'd break under the bad lighting conditions?

I never touched Christine Tanner.

Jane

Liar.

Believe me, when I tell you that you just now made the worst mistake of your miserable little life.

Jane

Believe me, no matter how this turns out, I've made worse mistakes.

Rigsby

I look around, I don't see anyone here who could torture a man to death with pliers and a lit cigar.

Patrick

Picture them naked and ravenously hungry.

Grace

Ew!

Rigsby

Okay, I'll bite. What's the basic principle?

Jane

Cost you a dollar.

Rigsby

For what?

Jane

So you'll pay attention.

Jane

Love and affection.

Rigsby

What?

Jane

Love and affection.

Rigsby

Give me my dollar back.

Jane

When you're seducing someone, what are you offering them? Love and affection. Who doesn't want love and affection. It's simple.

Rigsby

Seriously, give me my dollar back.

Rigsby

Seduction's not my strong point.

Jane

Seduction's easy once you know the basic principles. There's nothing to it.

Rigsby

Oh, really? Well, I don't see a crowd of women following you around.

Jane

Why would I want a crowd of women following me around?

Lisbon

You're not soft on her, are you?

Jane

No...maybe a little. We need to talk to the lawyer--

Lisbon

Bennett. We need to talk to him. You need to stay well away. Did you say maybe a little?

Jane

She's a gorgeous grieving widow. Of course maybe a little. [Lisbon stares at him] Don't worry, it's not gonna affect my work. I'm a law-enforcement professional. Jeez.

Rigsby

I sent out the vibes. I got nothing back, okay? So I'm leaving her alone.

Jane

Vibes. Really? Vibes?

Cho

That's where he stares at the back of her neck for several hours. Women love that.

Rigsby

Oh, shut up, Cho!

Patrick Jane

You gotta go get her, man. You gotta seduce her.

Jane

[talking about Jason Sands] He's still here.

Not unless he's invisible. He's not, Agent Jane.

Lisbon

He's not an agent. He's a consultant.

Jane

No badge. No gun. [Whispering] They don't even give me dental.

Oh, yeah. You're the one they were telling me about, the psychic. Sorry, Gandalf. In our own bumbling way, we did look around pretty good. He's not here.

Lisbon

Hey, can you believe he fell for that old cell-phone gag?

Patrick

Old cell-phone gag? I invented that right there and then. Rather brilliantly, I thought.

Lisbon

Oh, please. I've seen that done a dozen times.

Jane

What do you mean? Where?

Lisbon

On TV.

Jane

Oh, on TV. Well, anything can happen on TV. The question is, where have you seen that done in real life?

Lisbon

Okay. Good. Listen, tell Rigsby, Teresa needs his help. [Jane gets her message and looks worried] Me? I'm at the Eagle Pine Lodge off Route 6.

Jane

Okay.

Lisbon

Kyle, let's stay calm and think this through.

Think what through?

Lisbon

I really don't wanna shoot you, but I do have to take you into custody for killing Kara Palmer. What are we gonna do about that?