Patrick Jane quotes from The Mentalist

You volunteered us to handle the case?

I decide what cases we take next.

Jane

Well, I was just being neighborly, and the art squad seemed all for it.

Well, of course they were. They've been chasing this group for years, with no luck.

And what do you know about catching art thieves?

Jane

Uh, nothing at all. That's why it'll be fun.

Okay. We'll take it. Get a hold of Agent Pike in the art squad and get up to speed on this thing. Let's show 'em how it's done.

Jane

My plan is a little more elaborate, but it's much more entertaining.

Cho

Of course it is.

Lisbon

You already have a plan?

Jane

Well, as you know, Agent Lisbon, the key to a good con is always making the mark feel that he is in control. I mean, you can lead a man anywhere as long as he thinks that he is driving.

So how do we do that?

Jane

Well, first, we rope them in with some flash, then we steer them towards a couple of good inside men, a face. We're gonna need some art for the gaff, and then a good false blow-off.

I don't know what any of that means.

Lisbon

You'll get used to it.

Lisbon

Oh, isn't he fabulous? Such a mean face. [Pulaski glares at her] Mm, yeah. There it is.

Jane

Down, girl!

Jane

You're doing very well. Just a little, uh — a little big.

Lisbon

Big? Really?

Jane

Yeah. Try a little less Joan Crawford and a little more Barbara Stanwyck.

Lisbon

I don't even know what that means. Look, I can't walk, and you're giving me acting tips?

Jane

Just stay upright. Keep smiling.

Lisbon

I can't breathe in this dress.

Okay, cut the cute stuff. You stole these. It's what you do. I mean, these are all stolen.

Lisbon

How do you know so much about it? Are you a cop?

Jane

Oh, don't you get it? This gentleman's one of us.

Lisbon

He doesn't look like one of us.

Jane

No. He's a heavy, a shooter.

I'm... direct. And you're one of those grifter types, huh? You, uh, prefer tricks?

Lisbon

You could say that.

Never saw a trick that could beat a bullet.

Jane

Well, it's always nice to get tips from the competition.

[holding Jane at gunpoint] A tracking device? You think I'm stupid?

Jane

Ask me that question again when you don't have a gun.

All right, let's be very clear about something. We don't need you to say anything. We already have the rest of your crew in custody. We have FBI witnesses for armed robbery, assault, kidnapping. We have enough stolen art to start a museum. And, best of all, we have the paintings that prove you killed John Hennigan.

Lawyer.

Lawyer. Well, that is your right.

Jane

Oh, what song was the marching band playing, by the way?

Hmm?

Jane

The marching band that, uh, blocked off the alleyway. What song were they playing?

What are you talking about?

Jane

Well, I requested The Yellow Rose of Texas. Were they playing The Yellow Rose of Texas?

The garbage truck, the marching band — you did all that? You steered me to the cab, huh?

Jane

The illusion of control. It made you feel safe enough to go where you kept the paintings. Now, unless you have any further questions about how I played you like a big old bassoon, I have someplace fabulous to go. Au revoir!