Patrick Jane quotes from The Mentalist

I'm a sadist and I bore easily.

Jane

Me, I see a difficult childhood, bad parenting, a lot of torment. But I also see how that suffering gave you great powers of empathy and a strong creative side and those are the qualities you should try and nurture in yourself. Not this brutish character you try to hide behind.

Jane

Oh, it's lovely.

Lisbon

It's a crime scene.

Jane

It's a lovely crime scene.

Jane

Okay, I needed Lucas to see Felicia get arrested, you needed hard evidence to charge Felicia. So...I made it happen.

Lisbon

By making an innocent woman think she was going to prison? As if her life wasn't hard enough already.

Jane

Yes, you're right. She does deserve some justice.

Lisbon

It's good to see you care.

Jane

You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

Jane

What's up, my brothers?

Lisbon

[to Von McBride] We just have one quick follow-up question for you.

[sighs] I've exceeded my quota of answering cops' questions. [Points at Jane] And my quota of crazy.

Lisbon

No, it doesn't, because ghosts don't exist.

Jane

They don't exist in your mind, but if you believe they exist, then, they exist.

Lisbon

Bite me. We're done for the night.

Jane

"Bite me"?

Lisbon

It's too much?

Jane

Uh, a smidge. It worked... fine, just a little over-the-top.

Jane

You killed Foster for an old key.

I wonder what it opens.

Jane

Oh, I know what it opens.

What?

Lisbon

He's just messing with you. He's mean like that.

Lisbon

So they let you out, then?

Jane

Yes, they did. Thank you very much.

Lisbon

Had nothing to do with me.

Jane

So modest.

Lisbon

Oh, right. Bosco's so in love with me that he'll do whatever I say.

Jane

Yes. Yeah. It's a little farfetched. He does love you. How could he not? But he's not the type to bend his principles over love. So I figure it's something more concrete. You must have something on him.

Lisbon

You think?

Jane

Yes. Something he did wrong. Something very bad that you know about. Now he's not the type to steal or do drugs, so my guess? He hurt someone. He killed him. A bad guy that he couldn't catch any other way.

Lisbon

No.

Jane

Yes and you helped him do it. No. You found out after the fact and you let him off the hook because the bad guy deserved it.

Lisbon

No.

Jane

I'm touched that you would risk your career over me. That means a lot to me.

Lisbon

If you're right, and I'm not saying you are, it would mean I broke the trust of somebody I trust and respect for your sake. If it is true, I would hope in the future you would be a little more mature and responsible in your behavior.

Jane

I'm grateful and all, but let's not go crazy here.

Lisbon

I should have let you rot in jail. [both smile]

I've got to get back to the Westlake's.

Lisbon

I'd like to come with, if that's all right. I'd like to ask the Westlake's some questions about the dead guy, see if there's a connection.

Okay.

Lisbon

[to Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt] Start digging on the Hangler case. Contact the family and set up an interview.

And I'd like to leave Hicks here to work with your team, if that's all right with you.

Lisbon

Okay.

Keep 'em honest.

Lisbon

Hey. Care to reframe that, Sam?

No. They're Jane's people. They need watching.

Lisbon

I like to think of them as my people.

Think what you like. I can't have them trying to pull some cheap stunt behind my back.

Jane

Well we have a whole range of expensive stunts if you don't like the cheap ones.

Jane

She alright?

Lisbon

Yeah.

Thank God.

Jane

Well, thank kevlar actually.

Lisbon

Hush!

Cho

You got something, Jane?

Jane

Uh, yes, I do, uh, he's naked.

Cho

Let me write that down.

Jane

Morning, Rebecca. They look good. One of those for me? You know, it's all right to like me now. Your boss and I made up.

Lisbon

That's okay, Rebecca. I don't like him, either.

Jane

She's a liar. She loves me.

Lisbon

Yeah.... keep telling yourself that.

Jane

So is it usual that your uncle is here after closing?

He's not our uncle exactly.

Jane

Oh, I'm sorry. The man that has sex with your aunt then.

If I may say so, what I do very much resent is the tone of your questioning.

Lisbon

I'm sorry if we've offended you.

Jane

No, don't say that. This is a murder investigation. I can be as hard ass as I'd like to be. Thank you.

Lisbon

[quietly to Jane] Actually it's not a murder investigation yet. If Mr. Warren dies, which seems likely, it'll become a murder investigation.

Jane

Oh yeah, that's right. He's not dead. Uh... well I apologize for my rudeness. Heh.

Jane

I deduce from the irritated tone of your phone conversation that I was right about Carl Ward.

Lisbon

Half right.

Jane

Go on.

Lisbon

His real name is Carl Wazowski. He was in jail for kiting checks. He's got an ex-wife in Bayonne, New Jersey. She's owed $90,000 in back alimony.

Jane

Half?