Patrick Jane quotes from The Mentalist

Jane

It's funny, isn't it? The big regrets in life people keep to themselves.

Lisbon

I don't know. I tell people about you.

Jane

Nice one. A zinger. High and tight.

Cho

Where are you going?

Jane

Baseball academy I was thinking. Don't we have the Silvas thing?

Lisbon

Rigsby and Van Pelt are talking to the theater manager now.

Jane

Why? No, no. Wasn't her. Murder weapon was a baseball bat. Baseball bat. Baseball academy. Common sense.

Lisbon

Do you know who the killer is?

Jane

What do you think?

Lisbon

I think you said 'what do you think?' to make me think you do so I'll go with you, but really you don't.

Jane

[chuckles] Cho?

Cho

Baseball bat. Baseball academy. That's not common sense.

Jane

Great. We'll all go.

Jane

I've never caught a foul ball before.

Lisbon

Technically, you still haven't. Cho, you take him.

Cho

Yeah.

Jane

Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm fine.

Cho

How many fingers?

Jane

Six. Haven't we got a murder to solve?

Lisbon

You were unconscious.

Jane

No, I wasn't.

Cho

Jane, you were.

Jane

Was not. [at Lisbon] Your turn. Okay, I'll see a doctor. [Shouting at crime scene doctor] Uh, excuse me, doctor?

Mmm?

Jane

I know, a real, live patient. I'm excited, too.

Jane

Ah-ha!

Lisbon

Is that a useful ah-ha or an annoying ah-ha?

Lisbon

You go to hell. Take a toothbrush.

Jane

Which way is that? [Lisbon glares at him] I'll go.

Jane

Timpani!

Lisbon

No.

[To Wilson] These people will be leaving now.

Jane

I like the way you say that. Melba-like-the-toast. So tough and command. Let me tell you something. We are state law enforcement. And we leave when we want to leave.

Lisbon

Thanks for your time.

Jane

She wants to leave. See ya.

Jane

Well, it's a big secret, well kept.

Rigsby

Maybe you knew, but nobody else did.

Cho

I knew. Half the building knows.

Rigsby

They do not!

Cho

Yes they do.

Jane

The only person who didn't know is glaring at you right now.

Lisbon

And now I have to do something about it.

Cho

What are you gonna do?

Jane

Yeah, what are you gonna do?

Lisbon

Thinking.

Walter

[To Lisbon] You have a damaged intensity that's quite attractive.

Jane

[With his mouth full] Hmm, yeah.

Lisbon

He's got everything he wanted since he was thirty.

Jane

Not you.

Mashburn

You're a psychic, aren't you?

Jane

What makes you say that?

Mashburn

You have this charlatan air about you. (Jane smiles and looks at Lisbon who smiles too.)

Mashburn

So it's over.

Jane

Yeah, it's over.

Mashburn

That's too bad. It was fun.

Jane

Yeah. How you gonna top that thrill?

Mashburn

Maybe next time I'll be the killer.

Walter Mashburn

You play mind games with people, you size up their weaknesses and then you give them the rope to hang themselves.

Jane

You make it sound so cool.

Lisbon

Okay, I am not jealous and resentful. That is nonsense.

Jane

Yet you recall my exact words. There's no shame in it. I feel that way too sometimes. Why does everyone else get to have a normal life?

Lisbon

My life is fine.

Jane

Normally you rise above such craven emotions but in this case your hands were tied. It's the rules. You're forced to do what your worst self is telling you to do anyway. Hence your tension headache.

Lisbon

I don't... (Jane gives her a look) All right. I do have a headache, but it's a coincidence.

Jane

Nah.

Lisbon

Either I obey the rules or I risk taking big heat for ignoring them. This is on Van Pelt and Rigsby, not me.

Jane

Whatever you say.

Lisbon

Jeff Sparhawk has no alibi.

Jane

You can dispense the cop talk, Lisbon. You can tell me what's bothering you.

Lisbon

Nothing's bothering me.

Jane

Okay.

Lisbon

Nothing is bothering me.