Patrick Jane quotes from The Mentalist

Jane

Well, I thought that went pretty well.

Lisbon

Great, yeah.

Jane

Highlight for me was definitely your speech. Passionate, articulate, strong.

Lisbon

Whatever

Jane

We got a confession.

Suppose you didn't. Suppose you'd been wrong. Have you any idea of the vastness of the the crap storm that would follow? It would blot out the sun.

Jane

[Points to Dr. Steiner with a stick] And I can see what you're thinking right now.

Uh, I was thinking that you, sir, are a bumptious fool, and I was wondering exactly what training in forensic pathology you have.

Jane

Ah, but right before that, you were wondering whether you would choose Lisbon or Van Pelt as your concubine in that little fantasy kingdom you like to go to sometimes.

I...I do not.

Lisbon

Shall I recap the case, sleepyhead?

Jane

Kristin Marley, Lady Senator's aide, rumored romance with the senator's husband.

Lisbon

Very good.

Jane

Oh, I trained myself to hear and take in information while asleep.

Lisbon

The others told you?

Jane

Yes, they did.

Jane

[Lying on the couch] Wow. There's a stain on the ceiling that looks like Elvis, but today it looks more like a basset hound.

Cho

[Dry] Someone call the media, it's a miracle.

How did the Batson interview go?

Jane

Oh, that was very exciting.

[To Lisbon] What did he do?

Lisbon

Nothing that can't be repaired.

You abused a corpse to get a confession.

Jane

Used. Used a corpse. There's no "ab".

Jane

I didn't see it. Of course.

Lisbon

What?

Jane

He's in love with you.

Lisbon

Don't be silly.

Jane

I know, hard to fathom, but... uh, there's no accounting for taste, is there?

Lisbon

[throws a bags of donuts at Jane] Hush.

Lisbon

Why can't I remember?

Jane

It's interesting isn't it?

Lisbon

Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting.

Jane

Hmm.

Lisbon

[Voice starting to break] Well, you know, th- thanks for trying. You probably have, uh, somewhere you need to go, right?

Jane

Well, I'm not gonna give up that easily.

Lisbon

[Crying] I can count on you not to tell anybody about this, right? On the team?

Jane

Oh, Lisbon, hey.

Lisbon

Jane, I just need you to leave, okay? Could you please go.

Jane

All right. It's...it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be fine, all right? I promise.

Jane

What if something bad happened and you're blocking it out?

Lisbon

I didn't kill McTeer.

Jane

Well, let me hypnotize you so we can be sure.

Lisbon

No.

Jane

Why not?

Lisbon

Because I don't want you inside my head.

Jane

So you're going down the steps, relaxing with each step, and now you reach the bottom, the very last step, the ultimate place of calm. How are you feeling?

Lisbon

Good.

Jane

Good. You're going to remain in this relaxed trance state while we think about Tuesday night. But first, sometimes you dance to that Spice girls CD, don't you?

Lisbon

Yeah. [She smiles with her eyes closed and does a little jiggle in her chair, as if she's playing the music in her head]

Jane

I thought so. [He grins] Now, Tuesday. You can watch whole day like it's a movie. Every detail is in focus. You can zoom into any moment you want. You can fast forward, rewind. You are in total control. Okay?

Lisbon

Okay.

Jane

Good. What do you see?

Lisbon

I'm finishing up the Form 41s on the Milbank case. I feel... hungry, 'cause I skipped lunch. The new guy in the mail room is hot.

Jane

Is he?

Lisbon

Yeah.

Jane

[looks a bit put out] Let's fast forward a little. Later in the day, you're about to leave CBI.

Lisbon

Van Pelt's working late. She's a hard worker. She might do well, if she manages not to sleep with Rigsby.

[talking about Lisbon] You're worried about her. You think she might do something stupid?

Jane

Suicide? No. If she did, she wouldn't blame the bureau.

That's not my concern at all!

Lisbon

[about Nina Hodge] If she followed her husband before, she could have tailed him again and killed him.

Jane

No, she didn't do it. She loved him.

Lisbon

She was a prisoner of her husbands life. She gets rid of him, gets a fresh start.

Jane

People trapped in miserable lives, always talk about escaping. Few actually do it. It's easier just to close your eyes and pretend the misery doesn't exist.

Jane

You know, you're a very good liar. Most people subconsciously signal dishonesty, but you? There's nothing. No inner conflict. Usually, that's the mark of what shrinks like to call a sociopath.

Well, if by "sociopath" you mean that if you cross me, I would enjoy watching you suffer pain before I kill you... then, yeah, I'm a sociopath.

Jane

You can buy logo merchandise, Sinner Saints coffee mugs, decals, beach towels. Whoa! And some various other interesting little knickknacks.

Lisbon

Nice.

Jane

Yeah. Well, if they do it, we should do it. A range of casual wear, maybe? Sensible shoes?

Lisbon

I'll get right on that.

Jane

[To himsel] Lisbon loafers.